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More hesitant than I’d ever been in my life, I moved forward and past him into a narrow corridor. He shut the door behind him and gestured silently to the stairs. I went up and was very conscious of my biker boots, jeans, loose T-shirt and short leather jacket.
There was one door at the top of the stairs ajar. I went in, surprised to see a huge open-plan loft apartment with big industrial-style windows overlooking the street.
A kitchen was in one corner and a huge soft leather couch with a throw over it was in another. Dominating the other end of the room was a massive bed with rumpled sheets and a wooden headboard.
I guessed that a small annex off to the side was the bathroom.
I heard the door snick shut behind me and turned around to see Johnny lean back against it, mean and dangerous. He put out a hand and I handed him the bike helmet silently. He put it down on the floor by the door and straightened up again.
“Well, Ash? Are you here because you want to fuck some more after all?”
I winced. “No. I mean...” Yes. Jesus. Yes. Desire mixed with shame mixed with self-recrimination swirled in my gut.
I felt exposed under his cool, judgmental gaze.
“The key...the key to the apartment. I want to explain about that.”
Johnny folded his arms. “Go on then.”
I sucked in a breath. “I do have a key for the apartment, and we could have gone up there last night. But the truth is that I don’t go up there, ever. Not if I can help it.”
His brows drew together. “Why not?”
I swallowed. “Because it’s where we grew up, me and Liam. And it’s where...” I faltered, looking for any tiny sign that Johnny didn’t hate my guts so maybe I wouldn’t have to spill mine. Nothing.
I took a breath. “It’s where our parents tore each other to shreds over and over again. Fights, rows, sometimes even physical abuse. My father drank more and more as the marriage broke apart. He’s an alcoholic now.”
I shrugged minutely, face hot. “It’s got bad memories for me. That apartment and then moving to LA with my mother...it was a rough time. I don’t like going up there because it brings it all back. Even though Liam’s done it up and knocked down walls, I just...can’t.”
Johnny uncrossed his arms. I couldn’t see the expression in his eyes but then he pushed off the door and came toward me. When I saw his face, my heart lurched, but it wasn’t pity in his expression. Or anger anymore.
“That’s why you’re not staying there?” he asked.
I nodded.
“Who hurt you?” he asked then as if what I’d just revealed wasn’t enough. I considered trying to bluff my way out of it but Johnny’s gaze was too intense.
I looked away, feeling tight inside. But not hurt anymore. Just angry. “It was a guy I was working with on the last film. It turned out he was married with a baby and I didn’t know.”
I looked at Johnny, feeling fierce. “I don’t do relationships, but he...he got to me. And then when I found out he was married...” I trailed off, the humiliation still vivid.
“I can imagine,” Johnny said now with a grim voice.
For a second I thought he was judging me and felt a sharp pain lance me somewhere very vulnerable, but then he came closer and I could see that it was something else. Empathy.
He cupped my jaw with his palm and without saying another word I could sense that he got it. All of it. My parents’ mangled mess of a marriage and the pain of letting someone get too close. The ground was unsteady beneath my feet for a moment, as if I was on a ship.
“You ran scared last night, Ash...and earlier. If you want to leave, now’s your chance, I don’t play games and I don’t beg. So what’s it to be?”
I knew the answer. I’d already stepped over another line by coming here tonight, without even really thinking about what I was doing. It had been as necessary as breathing. I wanted him again too badly.
I shook my head. “I don’t want to go. Unless you want me to.”
He shook his head slowly and said, “No way.” When he spoke again his voice was low. “Do you know how fucking hot you look? And how sexy it is that you came here on a motorbike?”
The tight knot inside me eased. “Do you have a bike and leather fetish?”
“Let’s just say that you’re taking me for a ride sometime.”
