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A lurch of panic gripped me when I thought of everything I now knew about Johnny and what I’d told him about me. But I forced it down, saying as nonchalantly as I could, “Look, it’s just sex. That’s all. He’s not into anything more and I’m certainly not either. This is just physical.”
Candy raised a brow. “Hmm.”
I protested, “It is.”
She looked at me with a pitying expression. “I’m just saying, Ash, one Sullivan’s bitten the dust. You might not be far behind. See ya tomorrow. I’m going to have a little feel of Johnny’s ass before I go.”
I glared at her and she winked at me. “Gotcha.” And then she blew me a kiss and left. I scowled.
Damn, Candy.
The mere suggestion that I could go the way of my brother and
fall for Johnny made me feel clammy with panic. I’d had far too close a brush with Steve, and even though I’d realized the wound wasn’t fatal...I didn’t want to experience that again. Ever.
I’d steered clear of relationships because witnessing the ugly breakup of my parents’ marriage had cured me for good of ever wanting to risk the same. But Liam hadn’t let it stop him from falling in love. I blocked out the voice. Liam was different, he’d been older, more able to cope and see things for what they were.
I’d been decimated by seeing my mom and dad rip each other apart...
No, I assured myself stoutly. This was one last wild ride before Jenna came back and we became entrepreneurs, striking out on our own and forging our new lives. Lives that did not feature hot and heavy distractions like six-foot-three Irishmen.
“Hey, are you okay?”
I looked to see a very hot and heavy distraction in the doorway, concerned.
“You look as white as a ghost. Did something happen?”
I forced a smile and shook my head. Walked toward him. I fisted my hands in his T-shirt and pulled him to me, seeing the flash of desire in his eyes.
“This is still just a fuck...right?”
For a pregnant second Johnny was silent, but then he just said lightly, “Absolutely.”
And even though I should have been relieved to have him confirm where we both stood, I couldn’t help experiencing a kind of sick seesawing sensation every time I caught his eye for the rest of the evening.
Chapter Eleven
Johnny couldn’t shake the niggling guilty feeling as he cleared up behind the bar after closing that night. When Ash had all but demanded if this was still just a fuck, he’d seen something so earnest and almost pleading in her eyes that he’d agreed with her.
But the problem was...it didn’t sit right with him. He wasn’t sure what this was anymore but whatever it was, it wasn’t diminishing; it was getting stronger. No other woman had ever inspired him to book into a hotel room on the spur of the moment to indulge in exhibitionist sex.
No other woman had ever compelled him to spill his guts so comprehensively. Without a second thought.
The truth was that Ash tapped into something within him that had been pushed down and locked away since his parents had died. It was something carefree and light. A sense of that innocence and belief in good things happening that most people enjoyed—unless their worlds were ripped to pieces by tragedy or something similar.
Ashling had experienced it, too, with her folks’ divorce. No wonder she’d been so hurt by the asshole who’d had a family. She obviously didn’t let herself fall for people, and he’d done a number on her.
The thought of Ashling in love with someone else caused a physical pain in Johnny’s gut, and he said “Shite” out loud. And then he went cold all over. Since when did the word love enter his head when he was with a woman?
Any such illusions had been smashed apart with his parents’ death and then when he’d walked out on his sisters.
Angry that Ashling was precipitating these dark thoughts, he strode to the doorway of the office to see her tallying the books, bent over the desk enticingly. She’d obviously heard him and straightened up and turned around, a smile on her face. It soon faded when she saw his expression.
White-hot lust crackled between them. Just like that. As if a live wire pulsed with heat whenever they were within feet of each other.
Jesus. He’d just been fucking her up against a hotel window hours ago and it hadn’t even dented their lust for each other. Damn her anyway.
He said almost curtly, “You asked earlier if this was still just a fuck. Of course it is. Unless you’re getting other ideas?”
