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Alix was so quiet that Leila looked at him. The smile was gone from his face and he was deathly pale. She put out a hand. ‘Alix...are you all right? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.’

He recoiled from her hand and a look of utter horror came over his face. Leila flinched inwardly. But, if anything, this only confirmed for her the reason why she needed to talk to him. She had to do this to protect herself.

At least over the past few days she’d discovered a real sense that perhaps she could be a queen, that she could relatively happily devote her life to the people of Isle Saint Croix and her children.

But in order to survive she needed to create a very firm boundary where Alix was concerned.

The fact that he hadn’t made any attempt to sleep with her in the past few nights had left her feeling frustrated and relieved in equal measure. She knew physical intimacy without love would eventually crack her in two—or that she’d end up blurting out how much she loved him, and she couldn’t bear to see that horror-struck look on his face again.

Alix retreated around the desk—as if he needed to physically put something between them. Leila tried not to feel hurt.

She steeled herself. ‘I wanted to talk to you about something. About us. And our marriage.’

Alix sat down, still looking a little shell-shocked. Leila sat down too, twisting her hands in her lap.

‘Go ahead.’ Alix sounded hoarse.

‘I am committed to doing my best to be a queen that you can be proud of, and I will love our child—and children, if we have more. I do believe that we can have a harmonious union, and that’s important to me for the sake of those children—I expect you will want more than one.’

Alix frowned. ‘Leila—’

She spoke over him. ‘But apart from with our children, and promoting a united front for social occasions or events, I would prefer if we could live as separately as possible. I don’t want to share rooms with you. And I would prefer if any intimacies were to be only for the sake of procreating. I will understand if that’s not enough for you, but I would just ask that you be discreet in your liaisons, should you feel the need.’

Alix’s face was getting darker and darker. He stood up now and put his hands on the desk. Leila tried not to move back, or be intimidated.

‘Let me get this straight. You want to maintain a separate existence in private and we’ll only share the marital bed for the purposes of getting you pregnant? And if I’m feeling the urge in the meantime I’m to seek out a willing and discreet lover?’

Leila nodded, telling herself that it hadn’t hurt so much or sounded so ridiculous when she’d thought it all through in her head. But this was the only way she felt she could survive this marriage, knowing he didn’t love her.

At least if she could create a family then she would have some purpose in her life—love and affection.

But all at once she realised that that was the most selfish reason in the world for creating a family.

Alix’s mouth was a thin line. ‘My father paraded his many mistresses around the castle and did untold damage to this country. I vowed never to repeat his corrupt ways—so, no, I don’t think I’ll be taking you up on your helpful suggestion to maintain a discreet mistress.’

He came around the desk and towered over Leila. She stood up.

‘And, no,’ Alix continued, ‘I don’t believe I do agree that we should maintain separate existences. I believe that you will share my bed every night, and I expect intimacies to be many and varied. Are you really suggesting that I am going to be forcing myself on a reluctant wife?’

Leila had to stop a slightly hysterical laugh from emerging. Of course he wouldn’t have to force himself on a reluctant wife. Even now she felt every cell in her body straining to get closer to him. But, standing so close to Alix now, she realised that she’d actually completely underestimated her ability to survive even if she could maintain some distance from Alix. And of course he wouldn’t agree to her admittedly ridiculous terms. What had she been thinking?

A sense of panic made her gut roil. ‘Then I don’t think I can do this, Alix. I thought I could, for the sake of the baby...but I can’t.’

She felt weak, pathetic, selfish.

‘What are you saying, Leila?’

She forced out the words. ‘I’m saying that I want more than you can offer me, Alix. I’m sorry... I thought I could do this, but I can’t.’

Terrified she’d start crying, Leila turned and hurried out of the room.

Alix looked at the door that had just closed and reeled. He had to recognise the bitter irony of the fact that Leila had more or less just outlined the kind of marriage that he’d always believed he wanted.

Space between him and his wife. She would be his consort in public and mother to his children. She wouldn’t infringe upon his life in any other more meaningful way.

He might have laughed if he hadn’t still been consumed by the terrifying revelation that made his limbs feel as weak as jelly. The rush of love he’d felt while watching that scan had been for Leila as much as for the baby. He’d just been blocking that cataclysmic knowledge out.

Source: www.allfreenovel.com
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