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In a bid to escape before he could see the extent of how this affected her, she stood up. “I’m quite tired this evening … If you’ll excuse me …?”
Kaden stood too. “Don’t forget about the visit to the new hospital wing tomorrow.”
“Oh …”
Julia had forgotten about her first public function tomorrow. She was due to cut the ribbon on a new wing of the national hospital. Immediately her concerns about going out in public rose up.
Kaden said, “I’ll be with you tomorrow. All you’ll have to do is smile and wave. They won’t expect any more. They’ll just want to see you.”
Julia turned to walk away from the table, but Kaden caught her wrist. She looked back. She could feel her pulse throbbing against his hand and flushed.
She took her wrist from his grip. After everything she’d just shared, the deep vulnerability she felt was acute enough to be a physical ache within her. She forced a smile. “I’ll be fine. I’m looking forward to it.”
She left the room, feeling Kaden’s black eyes boring into her back.
Kaden waved away the staff that came in to clear the plates from the private and intimate dining room not far from their suite of rooms. He needed to be alone, to digest everything Julia had just told him. Suddenly restless, he stood up, his long robes falling around him. He paced back and forth, as if that might dampen the ever-present burn of desire, made worse now after feeling Julia’s hectic pulse. It was all jumbled up in his head: his need to lose himself in her body; his equal need to keep his distance; the almost overwhelming need to protect her from ever being hurt again as she so evidently had been by her birth mother.
Julia had looked so vulnerable just now, and he hated the thought of exposing her to the crowds tomorrow. But he couldn’t avoid it. He felt inordinately protective, but told himself it was a natural response because she was pregnant, and not because of what she’d revealed about her birth.
He’d had no clue about her adoption. From what she’d told him about herself years before he’d guessed she came from a solidly middle class background. When she hadn’t talked about family too much he’d just put it down to English reticence. The fact that she’d made that painful contact with her birth mother just before she’d come to Burquat was uncomfortable for him to dwell on.
For a second Kaden had a glimpse into how rudderless he might have felt if he hadn’t grown up knowing exactly where he’d come from. The sliver of isolation that washed through him at contemplating that scenario made him want to call Julia back, so that he could hold her close and never let her go again.
He immediately rejected that urge. His hand clenched to a fist. This was what he’d been avoiding ever since their wedding night. This rising tide of emotions that he refused to look at or acknowledge. The depth of passion on that night had stunned h
im. And that awful dream … which had obviously been precipitated by sleeping with Julia. Perhaps here in Burquat the memories were too close to avoid.
The truth was that when Julia touched him he became something else—someone else. It was too reminiscent of how she’d made him feel before. He’d never forget that struggle with his father before he’d died. His total absorption in himself and meeting his own needs … and then the awful shock of seeing her with that man, the excoriating jealousy. Realising how much he’d lost sight of himself and who he was, who he had to be. Exactly what his father had warned him against.
Kaden strode over to the drinks cabinet, poured himself a measure of neat whisky and knocked it back. The burn made him reach for another one, as if that might douse the unquenchable desire, the tangled knot of feelings his wife so effortlessly evoked. He’d told himself that when he’d met her again in London he’d just wanted to bed her. And when she’d arrived to tell him about her pregnancy he’d thought only of the babies.
Now those assertions rang like the hollow untruths they were. Since he’d seen Julia again things had gone a lot deeper than he liked to admit.
The truth was, it was easier to avoid Julia and any chance of intimacy than face her and those grey eyes which made him feel as if he was coming apart at the seams every time he looked at her. Now more so than ever.
CHAPTER NINE
JULIA was trembling with nerves by the time they pulled up in Kaden’s chauffeur-driven state car outside the hospital the following morning. She was dressed in a silvery grey long tunic, with matching pants underneath and a shawl to match. Her hair was tied back in a loose low bun, make-up and jewellery discreet. The tunic hid her pregnancy quite well—they’d agreed to wait another few days before making the announcement.
She took a deep shaky breath at the sight of the crowds amassed behind cordons, and then felt her hand being taken in a strong, warm grip. She almost closed her eyes for a second at the wave of longing that went through her. She turned to look at Kaden. His eyes were intent, compelling.
“I’ll be right by your side. Just be yourself. They won’t be able to help but respond to you.”
“But I’m not a public person, Kaden … I’ve given speeches to rooms full of archaeologists, but never anything like this. They’ll expect me to be something I’m not.”
Something fierce crossed Kaden’s face and he said, “They will accept you, Julia, because you’re my wife and I’ve chosen you.”
Julia felt sad, and pulled her hand away. She bit back the words trembling on her tongue. You wouldn’t have chosen me if you’d had a choice.
Kaden’s door was opened then, and with a last look he got out. The crowd went wild. He wore long cream robes and a traditional headdress. Julia’s heart clenched amidst her trepidation. He reminded her so much in that moment of the young man she’d first met.
He was coming round the car. He’d instructed the driver to let him open her door. And then he was there, against the bright searing sun, holding out a hand. Julia took a deep breath and stepped out, clutching Kaden’s hand. The roar of the crowd dipped ominously.
Security guards shadowed them as they walked towards the hospital. Julia tried to smile, but the crowd was blurring into a sea of faces that all looked suspiciously unfriendly. She was reminded of the aides who had surrounded Kaden after his father’s death, when she hadn’t been able to get close to him. She stumbled slightly and his arm came around her waist.
“OK?”
She looked up. “Yes, fine.”
