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Iseult was nearing Nadim’s door now, and her mind emptied. As much as she knew it would be easy enough to indulge in another night of the dream…perhaps even another couple of weeks…she knew she couldn’t. She had to take responsibility for her actions.
Her stomach churning, she knocked lightly and then went in, having a flash of déjà vu to when she’d gone into the study at home to have her first discussion with Nadim.
He looked up, smiling, when she walked in, but his smile quickly faded when he saw that she hadn’t changed out of her jeans and shirt—the clothes she’d been working in. She closed the door behind her, but didn’t move into the room.
He frowned. ‘Why haven’t you changed?’
Iseult welcomed his censorial tone, allowing her hackles to rise. ‘So as your mistress I have to dress to a code? I can’t just come up here and be comfortable in jeans?’
Iseult saw how Nadim’s body tensed. His eyes narrowed on her. ‘What’s going on, Iseult?’
Iseult bit her lip and then dived in. ‘What’s going on is that this affair is over.’ She finished in a rush, ‘I don’t want to be your mistress any more.’
For a long moment Nadim said nothing, and Iseult wondered if she’d imagined saying the words. But then she saw that dangerous look come into Nadim’s eyes, and how he literally seemed to shut himself away. Her heart broke. It was starting already.
He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. ‘What’s this about, Iseult? You want more? You want to extract some kind of commitment? You saw something at the weekend and you want a slice of that world permanently? I thought you were different, but perhaps I was naïve to think you wouldn’t be swayed by what you’ve seen.’
Iseult felt sick at his obvious cynicism, and raised a hand in a slashing movement. ‘No. How can you think that?’
Nadim said almost musingly, ‘I don’t know, Iseult, it’s a very seductive world. Are you telling me that out of all the women there last weekend you’re the only one who could walk away from it all and not want it?’
His voice turned slightly sneering now. ‘Or perhaps I’ve got it wrong. Perhaps you fancy your chances with Sultan Sadiq? I can assure you that we’re quite matched when it comes to our fortunes…’
Before Iseult could answer the door opened abruptly, jostling her forward. It was staff arriving with dinner. One look from Nadim made them all melt away instantly.
He looked at her again, dark eyes spearing right through her. ‘So is that it? You want more?’
I want you! Iseult wanted to shout, but didn’t. Instead she said, ‘I want to go home, Nadim. I don’t want to see you any more.’ For a split second Iseult thought she might bluff her way out of this—confirm his cynicism and protect herself in the process. Her mouth twisted. ‘You see, you are partly right. I’m afraid that I’m going to get too used to all of this.’ She looked around the room and gestured with a hand. ‘And then one day, when you’ve grown weary of me, I’ll be sent back to the stables.’
But then she looked back at him, and knew she couldn’t bluff her way out of this by pretending to have grown spoilt. The look of haughty cynicism on Nadim’s face was too much to bear.
Defeat laced her voice as she said, ‘But it’s not the trappings that concern me, Nadim. I’ve enjoyed every minute of it, but none of it matters really. I’m afraid that it’s you I want, and you I know I can’t have.’
Nadim frowned and tried to understand. He wanted to command Iseult to come closer. She stood near the door in those dusty jeans and shirt, looking as if she was about to bolt l
ike a skittish horse. But he couldn’t. Something held him back—some instinct.
‘You’re my mistress. You have my undivided attention.’ He couldn’t stop his voice sounding harsh, curt.
Iseult’s body flinched slightly, and she hugged her arms around her belly in a classic unconscious gesture of defence. ‘For now. But what happens when you lose interest? Obviously you’ve thought this through, and you’ll be able to deal with seeing me every day while you take a new mistress. But I won’t be able to deal with that.’
Nadim was growing impatient now. He put out a hand, silently instructing Iseult to come to him, even though an ominous sense of foreboding warned him to be careful. ‘You’re thinking about something in the future, Iseult. I’ve no plans to end this any time soon. Come here.’
She shook her head, her bright hair glinting deep russet in the lights. ‘No. This is as far as I can go.’
Nadim dropped his hand, and his sense of foreboding increased just before Iseult hitched up her chin and said with quiet dignity, ‘I’m afraid that I’ve done the exact thing you were so intent that I shouldn’t do, Nadim: I’ve fallen in love with you.’
For a second her words didn’t register. Everything was muffled, as if coming from far away, and Nadim actually had the very disturbing sensation for the first time in his life that he might faint. With a supreme act of will he stayed standing and felt anger rise. Anger at himself, for not trusting his instincts all along, and irrational anger at Iseult, for letting her emotions get involved. Anger that she was ruining this. And anger that she’d allowed him the power to hurt her. He’d learnt nothing.
‘I don’t believe you. You just want something from me. What is it? Commitment? An allowance? The promise of security for your family at home?’
She shook her head sadly. ‘The only thing I want from you, Nadim, is the one thing I know you can’t give me. Your love.’
An intense unnamed emotion rising up within him made Nadim lash out. He was barely aware of what he was saying any more—only aware that he had to push Iseult and her words back…far, far away. Everything he’d constructed around himself since Sara had died was being comprehensively threatened.
His voice was faintly scathing. ‘What would you know about love?’
Iseult went very still before him, and immediately after he’d said the words he wished them unsaid. She paled in the dim light and turned away, her back looking too delicate. Nadim even reached out a hand, but dropped it when she turned back. Instead of the fire he’d expected, wanted, to see in her eyes, they looked dead now. And that was far worse.
