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“It’s hard not to worry when you’re talking like this.”
She laughed. “I’m sorry. You’re right about everything of course. Ignore me.”
“No, I’m not saying don’t talk about it. Just tell me.”
They walked back behind the counter and Robin looked around the library. “I’m scared to be happy.”
“Because of everything else that has happened?”
“Yes. Shouldn’t I be afraid?” she asked. “The last time I was pregnant with Preacher’s baby, I couldn’t … it didn’t last.”
“I think you’re worrying about all the wrong things.”
“I don’t know. Between losing my memory, being kidnapped, marrying a guy who I wasn’t in fact married to. It’s kind of hard to let yourself be free, to not worry about what’s around the corner. I’m starting to think people like me don’t get happy endings.”
“Okay, now I need to know. People like you?”
“Yeah, I clearly have done something wrong, don’t you think? In the past, or in something. I don’t know. I just feel like I fucked up big time and now I’m being punished for it.”
“I hate to say this, but you’re starting to sound like a crazy person. There’s no rule book, Robin. There’s no balance or something like that.”
“Karma?”
“I personally don’t believe in karma. For me, karma is just a thing people say and they don’t even have to mean it. I could say that what I’m doing to Elijah is karma but I’m not going to give him that kind of power and you shouldn’t be giving anyone karma either.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. I just, I think I’ve been having a bad couple of days, and you’re right. I shouldn’t let fears get in the way.”
“It’s good to be worried, and to make sure everything is fine. I get that, and I even believe in that, but everything else, you need to let things go.”
“I forgave Bishop.” She pointed behind her, even though it was in the completely wrong direction. “That’s a step forward, right?”
Anne laughed. “I wasn’t thinking about him, but I guess in a way, yes, he’s the same. You need to stop worrying. It’s only going to make you feel sick.” Anne put a comforting hand on her arm. “Now, you’ve got to learn to take care of yourself and to not worry about all that has happened before. This is about you and Preacher. Your little girl, and the baby you’re due to give birth to. There’s no right or wrong, here, just you and your feelings. Have your feelings changed about Preacher?”
“No.”
“Then please stop worrying. You have nothing to worry about, I promise.”
****
Preacher pulled Robin onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, holding her close. “Do you want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
Robin spent a great deal of time with him at the clubhouse lately. It helped that Bethany loved to play in his office, and he hadn’t admitted his feelings to Robin yet, but he was totally loving the kid.
“I spoke to Bishop today,” she said.
“Yeah, he’s working hard, or at least that’s what I’ve heard,” he said.
“Yeah, he certainly seems to be. I guess it was a bit of a shock seeing him like that, you know? Carrying stuff. Being the big, strong guy. I think I’m used to him using his reputation with you.” Robin leaned her head back. “He said he’s waiting to know what it is you’re going to do with him.”
“Me?”
“Yeah. After everything that happened. He’s waiting for you to either judge him or let him go.”
“What did you say to him?”
“I didn’t know what to say to him,” she said. “There’s a lot I don’t know and I’m not privy to club business. I’m just a woman.”
He cupped her face and tilted her head back, staring into her eyes. “I love you and whatever you have to say to me, even about the club, say it to me.”
