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“Be cool, Declan. Let’s all just be cool.”
“I am cool, motherfucker. I’m a snowman eating an Eskimo Pie. You think you can call me here and cheat me out of my sale?”
“That’s not it at all.”
“Then what is it? . . . Oh, wait. I don’t care. I want the fucking Qomrama or I’m going to shoot the pretty lady. Yeah, you’ll get me, but your Charles Bronson act won’t keep lead out of her spine.”
Candy opens her eyes wide at me. It’s not fear. She’s asking me to let her go Jade on this creep and eat his face. I shake my head ever so slightly. She’s mad but she listens.
“Okay, man. You’ve got me over a barrel. I’ll take you to the 8 Ball.”
“Right now, cocksucker. I mean right now.”
“Sure. It’s close by.”
“Then let’s go.”
We go out to a BMW coupe parked down the block. He and Candy get in the back. He makes me drive. I take us straight down Sunset to the Chateau, obeying the speed limit and stopping for every red light. I don’t know who Candy hates more right now, him or me. Given the chance, she’d probably eat us both just on principle. Him for pulling the gun, and me for not taking it from him. I’m going to have a lot of making up to do, assuming we don’t end up all bullet-riddled.
Declan doesn’t like it when I give his keys to the valet at the Chateau, but what’s he going to do about it? We go through the lobby not looking the slightest bit suspicious. Me a few feet in front while a nervous guy is pressed so close to Mr. Macheath’s squeeze that he might be giving her a high colonic.
We take the elevator to the penthouse. Declan gets extra twitchy when we arrive upstairs and he doesn’t see a room right away.
“Ready to go down the rabbit hole?” I ask.
“Don’t try anything cute.”
I open the grandfather clock and step halfway through.
“The 8 Ball is in here, safe and sound.”
He leans over and squints, trying to see past me.
“Don’t fuck with me.”
“No tricks. I’m not going to leave something as important as the 8 Ball in the hotel safe, am I? No. I’ll keep it where no one even knows about it.”
I step through the clock. A second later Candy follows, Declan holding on to her like a leech. I take a quick look around. Kasabian’s laptop is open but he’s nowhere in sight. Good. He’s the last thing I want to have to explain to the shakiest gun in the West.
“What is this place?”
“My Batcave, where I keep all my secrets.”
“You people are even weirder than I heard.”
Candy cracks up and Declan tightens his grip on her arm. He doesn’t appreciate her extreme lack of terror. She should probably be a little more concerned. This guy is armed and unstable, and as far as I know, Jades don’t deal with bullets any better than civilians.
“You can put that gun down now. We’re here and I’m going to get the 8 Ball.”
“Qomrama. Show a little respect, asshole. It’s a holy thing and it’s going to get me a holy lot of money.”
“That’s clever. You wait here and I’ll go get it. You okay, Candy?”
She’s stopped laughing.
“Hurry up. I’m hungry. I want to order a lobster.”
I give her another don’t-do-anything look. She narrows her eyes at me. When this is over I’m going to need a thesaurus to show me how many ways you can say “Sorry.”
