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A guard
opens the door to the lockup. I go to Candy’s cell. She’s curled up asleep on her bunk. She hears me come in and turns over. Stands when she recognizes me. Her face is still swollen where someone rifle-butted her. She’s pale, with dark circles under her eyes. When she comes over, she slumps against the bars, looking a head shorter than usual.
“I was wondering when you were going to come and see me. Where have you been?”
“I saw you right after they brought you in.”
“Really? That’s nice, but I don’t remember.”
“It’s okay. You look a lot better today.”
“I feel like something floated up out of the sewer. They say I tried to kill someone.”
“That’s what they say.”
“Is it true?”
She nervously twines her fingers in the netting threaded around the cell bars.
“I don’t know. I didn’t see the guy or anything, but Julie Sola told me about it and I trust her.”
Candy looks at the cellblock door.
“They’re never going to let me out of here, are they?”
“Why do you say that?”
“I hear the guards talking. They’re not big fans of Jades. Or any Lurkers.”
“Point them out and I’ll have a word with them.”
She shakes her head. Her shaggy hair is a mess, tangled and pressed down on one side.
“Don’t do that. I don’t want any more trouble. I just want to know what happened.”
“You were poisoned. Someone spiked your Jade potion. You had a relapse and it affected your mind.”
She looks at her twining fingers.
“Relapse. That’s a funny word.”
“What do you mean?”
“Relapse for me means going back to my true nature. Like you think who I am is a disease.”
“Yeah. You said something like that when they brought you in, only louder.”
“Did I? It’s all such a blur.”
She lets go of the net and takes a small step backward. Looks up at me.
“Is that what you think?” she says quietly. “That I’m just some kind of disease?”
I take a breath. This is why I drank too much last night. To blot out all of this. Shit like this moment.
“I shouldn’t have said ‘relapse.’ That was stupid. I just mean people like us, we’re always fighting some part of our own nature. You don’t think I want to kill every one of the fuckers who roughed you up? Or that lots of days I wouldn’t mind seeing the whole world go up in flames? When I got back from Hell, all I could think about was hurting as many people and destroying as much of this place as I could. I still have to fight that feeling sometimes. I always will. We’re not like the people running this place. We’re monsters to them. That’s all we’ll ever be and I’m okay with that.”
“But you’re out there and I’m in here.”
