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“I hope this will be more to your liking.”
Dan holds it open for me and slams it shut the moment I’m inside. The room is completely black.
His voice comes through an intercom.
“Remember. No tricks.”
“I’m not afraid of the dark, Danny.”
“Then let there be light.”
About a million watts of light floods the room, blinding me for a few seconds. There’s a mechanical click from somewhere and something smashes me against the wall. When I shove back I’m suddenly flying through the air before crashing across the room.
The fall makes my not-quite-healed tiger arm hurt, which doesn’t help my mood. But I can see now and what I get a look at makes me even madder.
The clowns don’t just have a trash wizard. They have their own private vampire down here. And she looks hungry. I mean, it’s not like vampires scare me. I’ve killed plenty and my blood is toxic to them, so I’m safe. It’s just such a rich-asshole L.A. thing to do to have your own pet vampire with video cameras around the room so they can watch me on pay-per-view.
I say, “This isn’t a nice way to treat a guest, Danny.”
The intercom says, “Finish up fast and we’ll have drinks after.”
Fuck these people. I’m going to rip this thing in half and then I’m going push this goddamn house off the cliff.
When the bloodsucker comes at me, I pivot and smash it with my elbow hard enough to knock its fangs to Argentina. Only, its teeth stay put and she gets her hands around my throat and shoves me up against the wall. I grab both of her wrists and drive my heel into her knee hard enough that the crack of bones echoes off the walls. But that doesn’t stop her for a second. A moment later, her knee has healed and she’s still choking me.
This isn’t how this was supposed to go. There’s something off about this vampire. I blame the trash wizard. He’s given her some Black Sun protective hoodoo that’s pumped up her strength and healing powers. Still, I’m not dead yet.
I keep my hands on her wrists and fall backward, bashing the vampire’s head into the rock wall. When I step away to catch my breath she hops right back up. Half of her forehead is crushed, but she’s hopping around fresh as a goddamn daisy.
There’s a rack of weapons on the far wall. The vampire grabs a mace on a chain and swings it at me. Each time she misses, she gouges big chunks of stone from the floor and wall. I look at the weapons rack but don’t see anything I like. I don’t know if it’s against the rules or not, and I don’t care. I reach into my coat and pull out the na’at.
I extend it into a spear with a razor cutting edge. The next time the vampire swings at me I thrust with the na’at, cutting the chain on her mace. The spiked ball bounces off into a corner, which leaves her with a wooden stick. No hesitation now. I shove the na’at straight into her chest and through her heart.
But the fucker doesn’t die.
She should be ashes by now, but she just stands there grinning at me. Mad, I make a dumb move. I thrust the na’at again, but the vampire sees it coming. She leaps high into the air and comes down with her knee right into my chest. I fall over backward with her on top of me. At this point I stop fighting. I should have used my best weapon right away, but I was annoyed and—I’ll admit it—wanted to put on a show for Janet. Now, though, I’m done.
I shove my arm right into the vampire’s face and let it bite me. Getting a mouthful of my blood for a vampire is like pouring acid down its throat. Sure, it hurts when her fangs go into my wrist, but it will be worth it to watch her burn.
Only instead of dying, she keeps sucking down more and more of my blood. This isn’t possible. What kind of hoodoo did Kenny use on this dead piece of meat? The trash wizard has more skills than I would have guessed. I have so much respect I might kill him when I’m finished with Vampirella.
I punch her in her dented forehead hard enough to stun her for a moment. While her eyes spin around, I get my feet under her and push, launching her into the air. But she comes to while she’s flying and lands flat on her feet. Without a moment’s hesitation, she grabs a billhook from the weapons rack and charges me. I wait for her.
And wait.
Until she’s just over an arm’s length away.
Then I manifest my Gladius and cut off her head.
Black Sun hoodoo or solid weapons skills, they don’t help now. Though when she drops the billhook she’s still strong enough to claw at the air where her head used to be. But only for a few seconds. Then she ashes out like so much dirt on the killing floor. I look up at the cameras that have been monitoring the fight.
“Open that door, Dan, or in about ten seconds I’m coming through and taking more heads.”
Bolts hiss and slide back and the door opens. Dan is there. He wags a finger at me.
“I’m not sure that flaming sword of yours is technically in the rulebook, but it is in the spirit of the fight, so I’m giving you a pass this time.”
I grab him by the collar and toss him at Kenny.
