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Her dragon grunted. Just tell him. He won't dismiss you as weak-willed or silly, even though you think you were both. We were merely young and naive.
Staring into Killian's green eyes, she found the courage to say, "Well, me joining the army started off a bit shaky. My mum didn't want me to go, moaning about how she didn't want to lose her only child in some foreign war zone. My father was supportive, but it was after a talk given by Nikki Gray on what to expect when it came to living a Protector's life that cinched my decision. She laid out all the challenges, but also the rewards. My biggest concern was being female, but Nikki told us that while there will always be physical differences between male and female dragon-shifters—we're smaller in dragon form, for example—a person can find advantages in the differences and use them to make life on Stonefire a better place for all."
"And so you ran away to join the army," Killian murmured.
She nodded. "Yes. While my mother refused to speak to me until recently, I could've handled that. It's what happened after I finished basic training and went to my first official posting that I soon learned not all dragon-shifters are noble."
Killian growled. "Someone hurt you, didn't they? I sensed it back on Glenlough."
She blinked. "How did you know that?"
"Even without my memories, I still had most of my skills, which included reading people." He rubbed her bicep. "But let's get back to the story. What happened?"
After years of blocking out the memories, she let them flow. "I was stationed with the human 42 Brigade at the Fulwood Barracks in Lancashire. I had excelled in my training, so I was rewarded with extra responsibilities. I was given the task of selecting and forming a team from a pool of dragon-shifters staying in one section of Fulwood.
"I enjoyed setting tasks and facilitating team exercises. Unlike what I had heard during Nikki's lecture, there wasn't a lot of pushback from the mostly male candidates. One even fancied me, praising me until I eventually started dating and sleeping with him."
The early days with Cedric had been like a dream, what with him taking her orders without question when on duty, but teasing her when they were alone.
Too bad it'd all been a lie.
"He was the bastard who hurt you."
At the anger in Killian's voice, she met his gaze again. "Yes. After the initial lust phase, I started to notice a few things. Such as how he always mentioned how difficult it must be for a female to be in charge, or how the males had told him that if they ever were stationed overseas with me in charge, they would form their own plans and initiate them, not caring about my orders."
She barely heard Killian's growl as Cedric's voice replayed all the warnings. They're only listening to you now because the humans are watching. They won't take orders from a female in the heat of battle. Most clans don't have many female Protectors, after all.
Pushing the words aside, she continued, "I didn't know it at the time, but he was planting doubts into my head, taking every opportunity to nurture them to the point I clung to him harder. Without realizing it, I'd shifted my entire life and point of view for him, simply because I believed he loved me."
Her dragon huffed. I still want to find and castrate him.
Even if we could get away with it, he's in prison.
Killian's voice interrupted her thoughts. "What became of the bastard? Because I may need to find and teach him a lesson in supporting your female and not hurting her."
She shook her head. "Don't worry, someone else eventually recognized his character and he was caught illegally selling army gear. He's serving time in jail."
"He deserves a far worse punishment, but at least he's not harming anyone else. However, you still haven't finished your story."
She sighed. "It's not a happy ending. I eventually doubted myself after a while, to the point I handed more and more tasks over to Cedric. When he reported my actions to our superiors, they ruled that I had been neglecting my duties. I tried to fight it, but Cedric blackmailed me with naked pictures he'd taken without my consent. I had no choice but to accept the ruling and Cedric took over my position. They sent me to another location, to mostly endure grunt work for six months."
Her dragon sniffed. A dragon shouldn't be used as a crane for builders.
I agree, but at least it made us physically stronger, which came in handy later on.
Killian took her face between his hands. "We all do stupid things when we're young. And before you protest that you're not young, twenty-one isn't exactly pensioner age. You're mature, brilliant, and strong, but believe me, I have my own mistakes to account for from over the years. All we can do is learn from them."
She tilted her head. "When has the great Killian O'Shea made a mistake?"
"The day I was kidnapped and drugged is the latest one."
Studying his f
ace, she asked, "What do you mean? You were scouting the surrounding area, just like the other Protectors."
"Aye, but I required everyone else to go in pairs. I went alone, thinking I didn't need any help. I was concerned about my sister. Rather than trust her, I followed her secretly during the trials. The attackers must've watched the leadership trial planners place all the clues and knew Glenveagh Castle would be one of the stops. When I followed Teagan there, someone surprised me and that's the last thing I remember before waking up strapped to a table and being pumped full of drugs."
Brenna frowned. "But why would you do that? You knew Teagan could take care of herself."
