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“It’s just,” her voice trembled as she glanced back to Kellan. “It’s just time to start realizing that things are going to get a whole lot worse before they get better. That scares me. I’m terrified. Logan, if anything happens… If anything happens to him…” She began to cry, and I pulled her out of the hospital room, into the hallway, and wrapped her into a tight hug. “I can’t lose him. I can’t.”
I’d never seen Erika fall apart. She was always the one who had everything together. To see her so destroyed spoke volumes of how serious the current situation was becoming.
When she pulled herself together, she took a step back and wiped away her tears. “I’m fine. I’m okay. I’m good,” she said, reassuring herself as much as us. “They are going to keep him overnight. I’ll stay here with him.”
“I can stay,” I offered. “I know you have your finals coming up.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m okay. I’m good.”
“Sis,” Alyssa whispered, wiping away the tears from her sister’s eyes.
“I’m okay. Really. You two get home. I’ll text you if anything changes.”
I glanced toward the hospital room. “Can I just sit with him for a second?”
She nodded. “Yeah. Definitely. Alyssa, want to come with me to find coffee?”
The two wandered off, and I went into the room and pulled a chair up beside Kellan’s bed. The machines around him kept beeping and humming as I watched his chest rise and fall. Even breathing looked hard for him lately.
“Are you sleeping?” I whispered.
“No,” he replied. “Just sleepy.”
I pushed my
thumbs against my eyes to hold back the emotion. “What the hell are you doing in here, Kel? It was my job to end up in places like this, remember? Not yours.”
He gave me a weak smile. “I know, right?”
“You okay?”
One deep inhale. One coughing exhale. “Yeah. I’m okay.” He tilted his head in my direction, and his always kind eyes gave me a slight grin. “I’m killing her,” he whispered, speaking of Erika.
“What? No.”
He turned away, trying to hide the tears falling against his cheeks. “I am. Watching me die is killing her.”
“You’re not dying, Kellan.”
He didn’t reply.
“Hey! Did you hear me? I said, you’re not dying. Say it.”
He looked to the ceiling, then closed his eyes. The tears were still falling down his cheeks. “I’m not dying.”
“Again.”
“I’m not dying.”
“One more time, big brother.”
“I’m not dying!”
“Good. And don’t you fucking forget it. Everyone’s okay. We’re all going to get through this together.” I took his hand into mine and squeezed it lightly, trying to give him some comfort.
“Everything’s okay. You’re right. Sorry, I’m just—”
“Tired?”
