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When his lips slowly discover mine and my fingers run through his hair, my mind starts begging for more than his soft kisses. He presses his hips against mine, pinning me to the wall, and his hands become entangled in my locks as he deepens the kiss. I feel all of him against me, almost forgetting where he begins and I end. His tongue slowly slides into my mouth and I sigh with ecstasy, feeling his warm hands wrapping around the edge of my shirt, slowly pulling it up. When he pulls it all the way off of my body, he stares me in the eyes and moves my hair behind my ears.
“I hate how they make you doubt how amazing you are,” he breathes against my lips. I watch as he gets down on his knees and moves my arms to the sides of my body. Swiftly I try to move them back to cover my stomach, but his green eyes demand that I lose this battle. “Eyes closed.” His words are commanding; but, it sounds more like a request than an order. And, I abide.
My other senses become fully aware of all of my surroundings while my eyes are closed. I can hear my family chattering from the dining room, and I pick up on the sound of the wind from outside hitting against the house. My lips part and I can taste the air being sucked into my lungs. I smell the shampoo in his hair—coconut. And I feel him. His hands are placed on my bare sides and his forehead is resting against my stomach.
I relax all of the muscles in my body the moment I experience his lips kissing around my belly button. My mind shuts down, and I get rid of all of the other senses that are no longer of importance. I commit to Kayden’s touch. His fingers effortlessly massage my sides. His tongue caresses my skin for a split second before taking refuge back in his mouth. His soft lips deliver countless shivers. My hips choose to motion toward his lips, but he doesn’t take advantage of their brainless actions. His hands stay on my hips as he rises to his feet, and I can tell he’s hovering over me again. I just don’t know if I currently have the strength to witness him before me yet.
“You’re perfect,” he says before slipping me a gentle kiss. His voice is confident that he’s telling me a fact, not simply his opinion. “Okay?”
I open my eyes to see him reach for my shirt, which he places back on my body. He turns away and he doesn’t look back at me. He just opens the bathroom door and disappears.
He thinks I’m perfect.
I smile, because he wasn’t Richard—he was Kayden.
And it wasn’t an act.
Walking out of the bathroom after collecting my thoughts, I plan to head back to the dining room to try to make this night end quickly. Before I can even round the corner, I’m standing right before Danny. Not saying anything, I try to edge around him, but he blocks my exit. “Is there something I can help you with?”
His brown eyes look at me the way he used to look at me—as if he cares. It pisses me off because I never know what’s going on in his head, when he’s playing a role, when he’s being himself. Truth is I never really knew who Danny was.
“Is it always going to be like this?” he asks, leaning against the hallway wall, the heel of his shoe resting against the wall trim. “Is this awkward air always going to be between us?”
“You know what’s disgusting?” I wonder out loud, crossing my arms across my body. “These past few years I’ve been waiting for an apology. For you and Lisa to say, ‘Sorry, Jules. The way we behaved was out of line and disrespectful.’ That’s all. But every time I come around here everyone acts as if I’m the crazy one. And I hate you so much, yet there’s still this weird amount of love floating around in my gut. Which in turn makes me hate myself a little more.”
Danny reaches to touch my face, but my raised eyebrow and hands on my hips make him rethink his move. “We were happy. You made me happy, Jules.”
“No, I totally get it. I wasn’t successful enough to stay attached to you. Which is fine. Whatever. You’re shallow. I get that. But…my sister?” The tears that are burning in the backs of my eyes are winning the fight tonight. Lisa turns the corner holding Olivia in her arms and I sigh. “My sister?”
Lisa and Danny give me this look that embarrasses me. They look so sad for me. They pity me. And the waterworks flow. Lisa’s lips part to speak, but nothing comes out. That’s the closest she’s ever gotten to looking a tiny bit remorseful for her betrayal, but the look disappears when she shifts to Danny.
“I’m putting Olivia to bed. Join us when you’re done going down memory lane.” She hisses her final words and I roll my eyes.
“He’s done.” I turn to Danny who still has that look of despair attached to him. “We’re done.”
Lisa rolls her eyes and walks away. Before I can turn to do the same, Danny’s hand lands on my wrist and he hands me a phone. “Richard’s phone was going off in his jacket, so I grabbed it to give it back to him. Then, I noticed he had all these missed calls from people called ‘Chick with Blonde Hair’, ‘Brunette Girl Who’s Crazy’, ‘Good Sex’ and names like that.”
I know it’s all made up, my relationship with Kayden, but the idea of those girls calling Kayden hurts me more than it should, and it makes me think that everything has been an act. The pep talks, the invisible mistletoe. How could I think it was more? I just met the guy and I’m paying him a thousand dollars to date me for five days.
“He doesn’t seem like the type of guy you need. I just—I don’t want you to get hurt, Jules.”
“Well, Danny, you should have thought about that before banging my sister.”
I move to the bedroom Kayden and I are sharing and see him unbuttoning his shirt. He must have heard my footsteps because he begins talking without turning toward me. “Dinner shut down early, which is probably for the best. Everyone could probably use some rest.”
I slowly close the door behind me, and when I see his shirt leave his body, I gasp. He’s hot with a shirt on, but without one, he transforms into a superhero. He turns to see me gawking, but I don’t stop. There’s this tattoo lying on his chest of a coin—a penny.
When I finally tear my eyes away, I feel conflicted on just about everything. For a second I’m thinking about Kayden, but then thoughts of Danny flood my brain. My mind is confused, shuffled up because of all of these feelings of past regrets—and disgust in myself for still caring about those regrets.
His lips turn down and I move closer to him, resting my hands on his chest. My head is quick to fall to his chest, too, when he wraps his arms around me.
“I’m going to ask you something,” I
whisper, and I’m positive he can feel the tears falling against his chest.
“Anything,” he says, stroking my hair. “Anything you need. Let me know.”
“Make love to me?” I ask, looking up into his eyes. “I know it wouldn’t be real, but I’m fine with that. I’m fine with fake love making.” I’m begging for him to touch me gently, to caress me in his arms, and to kiss me as if I’m the only person in this world he would ever want to kiss.
