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I turned and saw the same wolf who had shown me the temple before. I gave Mars's wolf my nod of respect and said to him, "She needs to see it too."
When I looked back at the ruins, the same temple as I'd seen before was there instead. It was small and square and as impressive to me as the first time I'd seen it.
Beside me, Livia was still more concerned about the wolf, understandably. She wasn't looking at the temple at all.
"Sit," I said to the wolf, who did as I asked. Knowing he would obey me seemed to ease her concerns a little. But she scooted in closer anyway.
I directed her attention to the temple and asked, "Do you see it?"
She shook her head. "See what? The rubble?"
I put my hand on the temple, then took hers and placed it next to mine. Her palm landed flat on the marble wall, just as mine did, so I knew she felt it.
"I see it now!" Livia's eyes widened. "It's so beautiful -- how could it only look as rubble before?"
"It's a protection put in place by the gods."
"Protecting what? What is this place?"
"There's a woman inside named Atroxia. She was a vestalis, though now they call her the Mistress." I hesitated a moment and listened for her. "Can you hear her crying?"
Livia shook her head, but I could tell from the sympathy in her eyes that just knowing someone inside was crying bothered her as much as it did me. It was a good thing for her sake that she couldn't hear the woman. Livia's gentle heart would be tortured by it.
"Somewhere here is a lock," I said. "Help me find it."
We started together on one wall and then moved around the temple. We searched high and low for anything that might fit a key. But not only did we fail to find a lock, we also could not find a door. This temple was only made of marble walls, as if they had been built up around the doomed vestalis who had cried herself to sleep.
There was no way to get inside.
Nic? What are you doing here?"
Crispus was walking down the path from his home. His eyes had heavy bags beneath them, and his back was hunched, like he'd spent too long holding himself tall. It was to be expected considering his past few days probably had been far worse than mine. He wore an all-red toga with purple trim, evidence of his mourning for someone who had been important to Rome.
I knew he couldn't see the temple -- to him, it was still only a pile of rubble -- but I moved my body to block the temple walls, as did Livia. We stood there as if we had come to commit some sort of crime. And perhaps we had.
Rather than answer, I asked, "How are you?"
He shrugged. "It's been a bad time. My father wanted his burial done quickly so that his soul could hurry on to the Elysian Fields. So we held the funeral procession yesterday -- Aurelia was very helpful with that because she went through the same thing with her father." He narrowed his eyes. "You weren't there, Nic. You didn't come."
I felt awkward and stupid and selfish to my core. No, I hadn't come, even though I'd known about it, just as I had known about Horatio's elaborate funeral procession. It had been one of the rare times when I was grateful to have the excuse of being locked up in Radulf's home. But that wasn't the case now. I couldn't tell Crispus that I felt at least partially responsible for Horatio's death and even more responsible for Valerius's. If I had been stronger in my magic, or better still, if I didn't draw enemies to me like bears to honey, then they would both be alive. I didn't cause their deaths, but I had not been able to stop them either.
And because I couldn't say any of that to him, instead he was left to believe even worse things about me, that I had missed his father's funeral procession because I cared more about racing chariots. It wasn't that at all. The guilt for being too weak with my magic was overwhelming.
I scuffed my sandal against the ground, something I'd done so often lately it was beginning to wear on the sole. "I'm sorry, Crispus. You're right, I should have been there."
Crispus sniffed and his moist eyes darted away. In response, Livia walked forward with open arms and wrapped them over his shoulders, closing him into an embrace just as my mother used to do when I was young and upset. Crispus responded, folding his arms around her as if he had needed that very thing. I should have been the one to offer him comfort, even if just to have the right words to say. Livia barely knew him. But then, she was so much better at things like this than I ever was.
When they parted, Livia whispered something to him that I couldn't hear even from where I stood. But he smiled a little, so whatever it had been, she had obviously said the words I should have already spoken.
Once Livia had returned to my side, Crispus turned around the cleared field. "I suppose all of this is mine now."
"You have your father's wealth, and one day you'll have his title as well."
Crispus's chuckle was bitter. "No, I won't. I told you before: I am not a politician. I don't enjoy it, and I'm not good at it. In my father's last speech before the Senate, he asked them to take me on as an apprentice, should anything happen to him. After the news of his death was released, it took the senators exactly three hours and twenty-two minutes to convene and vote to reject my father's wishes."
My jaw dropped open. "How can they do that? You're a senator's son! That must entitle you to some respect."
"Oh, it does. They gave me a position that is supposed to carry some authority, just not enough for me to do any harm. I'll be trained to become a judge in the courts. Eventually, I may work my way up to senator, but probably not. I don't like the law any more than I enjoy politics."
