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"Proud of the way you faced what had to be done and turned it all into something unique and exciting." He opened her fingers, pressed his lips to her palm. "And moved by you. By the way you stood there tonight, by the things you said."
"Damn you, Josh."
"I love you, Margo." His lips curved. "Maybe it was my poor sense that made me love you before. But I'm even more in love with the woman I'm with now."
Defeated, she rested her brow against his. "How do you do this, wind me up, spin me out? I can't remember why I was mad at you."
"Just come here." He drew her into his arms. "Let's see what else we can forget."
Later when she lay curled beside him, the weight of his arm around her, the sound of his heart beating slow and steady under her ear, she remembered it all. They had, she realized, resolved nothing. She wondered if two people who had known each other so long and so well could understand each other's hearts so little.
Until tonight, she'd never been ashamed of the men she had let into her life. Fun, excitement, romance had been everything she'd looked for, dreamed of. Most women had viewed her as competition. Even as a child she had had few female friends other than Laura and Kate.
But men…
She sighed and closed her eyes.
She understood men, had at an early age deduced the power that beauty and sex could wield. She'd enjoyed wielding it. Never to hurt, she thought. She had never played the game with the risk of genuine pain on either side. No, she'd always been careful to choose game partners who understood the rules. Older men, experienced men, men with smooth manners, hefty wallets, and guarded hearts.
None of them would interfere with her career, her ambitions, because the rules were simple and always followed.
Fun, excitement, romance. With no spills, no tangles, no hard feelings when she moved on.
No feelings at all. But plenty of poor judgment.
Now there was Josh. With him her power was different, her dreams were different. The rules were different. Oh, the fun was there, and the excitement, and the romance. But there had already been spills and tangles.
Didn't it follow that someone was going to get hurt?
However much he loved her, she hadn't yet earned his trust. And inches behind trust, she thought, was his respect.
He loved the woman he was with now, she remembered. But she wondered if he was waiting to see whether she would stay or run. And she wondered, deep down wondered, if she was waiting too.
After all, he'd been born to a life of privilege, had the in-the-blood advantage of being able to choose and discard anything—and anyone—at his leisure. If it was true that he'd wanted her for so long, he'd waited and watched, and, being Josh, he'd reveled in the challenge.
Now that the challenge had been met…
"I'll hate you for it," she murmured and pressed her lips to his shoulder. "Whoever does the hurting, I'll hate you for it." She curled closer, wishing he would wake, wake and make her mindless again so she wouldn't have to worry and wonder.
&n
bsp; "I love you, Josh." She laid her palm over his heart and counted the beats until hers matched them. "God help both of us."
Chapter Nineteen
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The cliffs were always the place Margo went for thinking. All of her major decisions had been made there. Who should be invited to her birthday party? Did she really want to cut her hair? Should she go to the homecoming dance with Biff or Marcus?
Those decisions had seemed so monumental at the time. The crash of waves, the smell of the sea and wildflowers, the jagged sweep of rocks from dizzying heights had both soothed and aroused her. The emotions she felt here went into all those decisions.
It was here she had come the day before she ran away to Hollywood. Just after Laura's wedding, she thought now. She was eighteen and so certain that life with all its mysteries was passing her by. She was desperate to see what was out there, to see what she could make of it. Make from it.
How many arguments had she had with her mother during those last weeks? she wondered. Too many to count, she thought now.
You've got to go to college, girl, if you want to make something out of yourself.
It's boring. It's useless. There's nothing for me there. I want more.
