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Deepak and Roshni lit lamps all around the house and balcony in the evening. Roshni reminded him of Lakshmi pooja the next day, and he agreed to perform all the rituals. One could see he was elated!
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The next day was Diwali, the New Moon Day; a day where most families in North India perform Lakshmi pooja in the evening. Roshni and Deepak together decorated the altar, lit oil lamps, and placed the jasmine garland around Goddess Lakshmi’s picture. Deepak lit the incense, and the grey smoke dispersed, spreading the jasmine fragrance.
Guided by Roshni, Deepak performed the Lakshmi pooja in the evening, chanting hymns in Her praise and performing arati. Deepak was enjoying his ‘alone’ time with Roshni. Both of them wore new clothes. During the day, Roshni wore the new suit Deepak had purchased for her, and in the evening she wore a sari for the pooja, and this made him very happy. He also wore the kurta pyjama set she’d selected for him, and Roshni was happy to see him in this suit.
The acceptance from her side was becoming visible!
After the ritual and offering of food and laddus to Goddess Lakshmi, they had their dinner and sat on the balcony, enjoying the firecrackers. All the houses were brilliantly lit with lights and lamps, the stores on the streets were decorated with marigolds and lamps, and colorful lights decorated the exterior. It was festive everywhere!
Roshni felt sad because it was only them and wished all was well so they could have celebrated Diwali with Sashank bhaiya, Kusum bhabhi, Akash bhaiya and everyone. She sighed and consoled herself. Deepak enjoyed every bit of this time with Roshni. He enjoyed being guided through the rituals, wearing new clothes as she suggested, watching the various sizes and shapes of fire crackers, seeing the decorations all around, and spending time with her made him happy.
He imagined next Diwali in the US with both of them – Roshni getting excited to make various sweets and savories, both of them decorating the house with flowers and lamps, and a get-together with his friends. He was lost in these thoughts when Roshni spoke.
“Unbelievable, it’s already the middle of November, and Diwali is almost over. Time passes so quickly,” she said.
“Yeah, Sheetal will be arriving soon. I hope she had a good time with her parents.”
“Hope so. Do you know what time she’s arriving?” Roshni smiled. “She’ll be happy to see me walking. I wish I could take this sling and the cast off completely.”
“You’re recovering well; only a few more days before the sling and cast will be taken off. You’ve been patient, Roshni, only few more days, hang on.” He held her hand and cheered her.
She acknowledged his gesture. “Yeah, a few more days.”
She looked forward to the day when her sling and cast would be removed, giving her more freedom to move.
Chapter 31
Roshni forgives Deepak
Deepak and Roshni enjoyed celebrating Dashera and Diwali with each other. However, there were a few occasions when Roshni felt sad, and she would move away to her room or not indulge in any conversation. Their relationship had grown to such an extent that both of them could read each other’s minds and be there for each other. Deepak was very open and did not hesitate to discuss any topic with Roshni; however, Roshni was a very private person.
On one occasion, Roshni appeared to be lost in thought, and she moved away to the bedroom and gazed out of the window. The past came back to her: her childhood activities, her attachment to her babuji, her marriage and Babuji passing away. She could not forgive herself for Babuji’s death, and this brought anger in her towards Deepak.
She was engrossed in these thoughts, paying no attention to Deepak, who stood next to her and patiently waited for her to come back to her senses. She wiped her tears and ignored him. She wanted to walk away, but he held her hand and pulled her to him. She carried mixed emotions – sadness, anger at her fate, anger at Deepak for doing what he did so soon after their marriage – and was certainly in no mood even to look at him. He wanted to give her the comfort she looked for; would she accept it?
He held her chin and lifted her head to face him. “Roshni, what happened? You’ve been very down and sad for some time. What is bothering you? Can you talk to me about it? Maybe you will feel lighter.”
“I’m fine. Please let me go,” she said and wiped her tears.
“No, you are not fine. Please tell me…how can I help you?”
“Just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about anything now.”
She pleaded with him to leave her, and he let her go with a heavy heart.
These situations confused Deepak. There were times when he felt she would forgive him and accept him as her husband; however, there were too many occasions such as these where he doubted if she would ever forgive him! He sensed there
was still some inhibition in her, and what could that be? If only she would reveal it to him!
Time was running out with only few more weeks left. What should he do? Sheetal called quite frequently to check on the situation and so did his good friends Vivek and Vaishali…it was the same story every time. There was some improvement, but Roshni was still at a distance from him.
Diwali was over, and Sheetal would be back from Poona. She was returning on the following Thursday, a week after Diwali. Should he ask her for help? Of course, her leaving for Poona had helped him tremendously to come closer to Roshni, but would she ever forgive him?
Deepak and Roshni never had an open conversation regarding what had happened with their marriage. Deepak apologized to her few times, but nothing more. Roshni never had an opportunity to vent her feelings to him. She appreciated Deepak’s efforts to be with her when she needed him this time, and she watched him closely. There were good qualities in him, and she certainly admired him more. She had no doubts that he cared for her and loved her, and she trusted there was no other woman in his life.
More importantly, she was able to relate to him better now. She understood him better for what he did and said soon after the marriage and that he regretted it even today. She had more respect for him now, but there was this slight inhibition in her, and until she opened up to him and vented her feelings, she probably would remain distant. Was Deepak aware of this?
