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This was indeed a very powerful statement from Roshni, and Deepak stood still. He stood there with the bracelets in his hand, staring in her direction as she walked away.
He was responsible for all of this mess, and he’d behaved very immaturely and certainly not up to Roshni’s expectations. He left the bracelets on his carry bag, which was next to the sofa, and sat on the sofa, running his fingers through his hair, perplexed. He began to ponder over the conversations they’d had; all this could have been handled very differently! Unfortunately, a lot of damage had been done to Roshni and to their relationship, and it was his fault entirely.
Inside the bathroom, Roshni leaned against the wall and wept like a little child. She gradually pulled herself to the floor, covered her face with her palms, and cried. Why did all this happen? Her dreams were shattered, her life at a crossroad! It hurt her to hear she was a stranger. It hurt when Deepak talked about compatibility because she knew she was a very flexible woman. It hurt to hear that he wanted to pursue a relationshi
p with somebody else. All this was a big blow to her dignity. She felt degraded. What should she do? Where should she go?
The promise to her father came to her. What should she do about the promise to her father? How would he react to all this? She worried that if Babuji found out about this, would he be able to take this shock? Many thoughts and many questions, tears continued to roll down her cheeks.
It had been a while since she entered the bathroom, and Deepak was concerned. He waited and waited, and finally, he had to knock at the door to check if she was all right. She did not respond to the knock, but pulled herself up from the floor, wiped her tears, and quickly changed into a comfortable salwar kameez (night dress). One more knock by Deepak and she unlocked the door and walked out.
Deepak walked to her. “Roshni, as I mentioned, I need some time to sort through all this.”
Roshni did not care to listen to him and walked away. She grabbed a sheet and settled herself on the sofa. Deepak tried to talk her into sleeping on the bed, but she refused, leaving no option for Deepak but to relax on the bed.
Of course, with all that had happened, neither of them slept. Deepak was pondering over the conversation and his immaturity, trying to figure out how he could rectify this.
Roshni was on the sofa, wiping her tears that did not stop. Finally, she established to herself that it was not her fault, so she should not feel dejected and sad. She should not behave as a loser but move on with her life – without Deepak. She had no feeling any more, no sorrow, no heartache, just a dullness…
Chapter 5
Deepak and Roshni Visit Vaishno Devi
It was 6:30 a.m. on December 15th, one day after Deepak and Roshni’s wedding. Roshni woke up and was mentally drained. The previous night’s experience had taken away all her energy. She looked around, and Deepak was asleep on the bed in an uncomfortable position, his left hand across his face. Roshni woke up quietly and got ready. She wore a simple embroidered silk sari with her pallu over her head, as a mark of respect for the adults at home, and came to the pooja room. She cleaned the pooja room and put rangoli in front of the platform on which rested Durga Devi’s idol. She later lit the oil lamp and the incense and sat quietly in front of the idol. As the cloud of sandalwood incense spread throughout the room, she stared into Devi’s face and questioned the goddess in her mind. Devi Maiya, why bring him into my life if he is not to be mine? Why this…and what did I do to go through this? You got me married and… Tears sprang to her eyes; she could not continue as tears rolled down her cheeks.
She heard footsteps, and she gathered herself and moved away to the side and leaned against the wall as quietly as she could. Sashank bhaiya came down to the pooja room and noticed the lamp was lit. He wondered who had come in that early, and as he was about to leave, he heard the tinkling sound of bangles. He peeped in and saw Roshni standing against the wall.
As soon as she saw Sashank bhaiya, she wiped her tears.
“Roshni, you are up already. Where is Deepak?” asked Sashank. He placed his hand on her shoulder very affectionately, and both walked towards the dining table.
Roshni replied that Deepak was asleep.
“Roshni bete, please treat this as your babuji’s house, no formalities,” Sashank said and looked at her wearing the sari with the pallu draped over her head in respect for elders. Pointing to the pallu, he added, “Beti, you don’t have to follow these formalities. You can wear salwar kameez! I have no problem.”
She smiled and raised her head to look at him when Sashank noticed her eyes were swollen and red. He right away recognized that she had a long night; she probably missed her babuji. As he continued to talk to her, Deepak came down to the dining area and joined them.
“Deepak, you look tired like Roshni beti. Is everything all right?” he asked, being concerned for them.
“Yes, bhaiya.” Deepak noticed Roshni’s eyes were swollen and red.
“Roshni beti, I can understand you missing your babuji’s house and your babuji. As I mentioned, no formalities, you can visit your babuji whenever you like. Actually, you can stay with him after Deepak leaves.”
Roshni became tearful and ran to her room. She fell on the sofa, covered her face with her palms, and wept.
Deepak watched her go, and the previous night’s conversations came to him.
Sashank believed that Roshni missed her father. He placed his arm around Deepak’s shoulders and looked at him. “Deepak, Roshni lost her mother when she was very young; her babuji raised her. You – we all have to give her love and affection so she does not miss her babuji.”
Deepak nodded. Yeah, right. I messed up everything last night. She felt tortured, he thought.
“I wanted to talk to you both about a few more rituals that have to be completed.”
“Yes, bhaiya, I will bring Roshni, and you can talk to both of us.” So saying, Deepak left.
He opened the half-shut door to his bedroom and noticed Roshni on the sofa. He went closer to her and knelt down. “Roshni…Roshni,” he called.
No response.
