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Who am I then to deny her happiness? All these thoughts run through my mind in seconds.
“That’s awesome news, Mom! Congratulations, and tell Ian I said so.”
There’s silence on the other end, and then I hear sniffing noises. “Mom, are you okay?”
She sniffs loudly. She’s definitely crying.
“Sorry, I got a bit emotional.” She lets out a laugh. “I have to admit I wasn’t expecting that. I was sure you were going to react as Adeline did. Thank you for that. I can’t tell you how much your support and good wishes mean to me.”
Tears fill my eyes, and I’m so glad that I did not voice my original thoughts.
“I love you girls so much and Caleb too, and I just want you to be happy for me. I feel as if I’m living my best life now,” she says. “I feel alive again.”
“I know, Mom.”
She tells me their plans for the wedding. They don’t want anything grand, just a small ceremony with family and a few friends. She asked Adeline to be her maid of honor, and of course, Adeline told her that she had lost her mind.
“I hope you don’t mind that I asked her,” Mom says, her voice filled with worry. “I’m just desperate to heal our relationship, and nothing seems to be working.”
“I don’t mind at all, and I’m sorry for the way she reacted. Give her time. She’ll come around.”
“You think so?”
“Yes, I know she will.” I sound more confident than I feel, but I want my mother to be happy. She deserves it.
We talk a little bit more and then say goodbye.
Taylor sleeps for most of the afternoon as she usually does, giving me a chance to catch up on some admin work for the gym. I’m glad that I can do most of my work at home.
Around four, Taylor wakes up, and after a change of diapers, we go downstairs, where I breastfeed her and then lay her against my chest. The doorbell rings, startling both of us.
I plant a kiss on Taylor’s forehead to reassure her. “Let’s go and check who it is.” I peer through the keyhole and see an eye staring back at me, though, of course, whoever it is can’t see me.
The face moves back. It’s Adeline.
I fling the door open. “Don’t you know that you can’t see through a peephole?”
She grins. “I know. I don’t know why I do it. It drives John Mathews crazy.”
She looks tired. “Come in.”
“Aww,” she goes as she walks around me to look at Taylor. “Look at you. Who is becoming a big girl? Aunty can’t wait to hold you.” She goes to the bathroom to wash up and then finds us in the living room.
She gently lifts Taylor from my arms and goes to sit with her on the rocking chair. She sighs. “This is what I call heaven.”
Adeline seems to relax as she rocks with Taylor. Babies have that effect on people.
“You should have another baby,” I tell her as I stand to go and make a coffee for her. “See how much you relax when you hold her.”
She winks at me. “Or I could just borrow Taylor.”
“Not going to happen,” I mumble as I disappear into the kitchen.
I feel sorry for Adeline. She’s held on to her anger for Mom and Ian so long that it’s become like a way of life now. I know that’s the reason she’s come by unannounced. The news that Ian and Mom are getting married has distressed her.
I was there not too long ago. In his own subtle way, Ian made me open up my mind to the idea of Mom and Thomas. I pour the coffee into a cup and carry it back to the living room.
“Are you really going to move back to your apartment in a week’s time?” Adeline asks as she sips her coffee.
“Yep, it’s what we both agreed to. Thomas hasn’t changed his views, and I’ve accepted that relationships are not for everyone.”
She shakes her head. “How can he give this up? A chance to watch her grow. They change so fast. He’ll miss so much if you two aren’t living together.”
“I guess he’s okay with that.”
I don’t really want to talk about Thomas. I know he’s not going to change his mind. He’s arranged for an agency to provide me with a nanny when I go back to my apartment. That was a sweet gesture that I really appreciate. The agency he chose is high-end and a service I definitely could not afford on my own. She’ll be coming during the week from nine in the morning to one o’clock. And then I can work from home in the afternoon or evening when Taylor sleeps.
It sounds good on paper, but every time I think about it, I feel my heart is breaking into pieces. Why did I fall in love with a man who is not capable of love?
