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It’s just that I’ve never desired anything, or anyone, as much as her before.
And so I sit in indecision, for maybe the first time in my life unsure about what I should do.
Should I call every hotel until I find her?
Should I go to her father for help?
Should I drop everything and wander the streets of Melbourne, or stand outside those hotels, until by some chance I see her?
Or should I stop indulging in these fantasies, go about my week, and wait for her to call me – counting on fate, that by now surely binds us together to make it happen?
All I know is, I’ve got a long and maybe sleepless night ahead of me, and I don’t know how to make it better without seeing her face again.
Chapter Ten
Candace
I sit on the bed in my hotel room in my vintage dress, feeling like a total fool.
I shouldn’t have allowed Sean to take me to the café, to buy me this dress, to treat me to dinner. I got myself in too far over my own head. I should have known that this was all going to end badly and that I wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of being away from him now that there’s no other choice.
What it all boils down to is what I should have known in the first place. Sean is so much older than me, so much more mature and wise in the ways of the world. He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, but for all I know, he’s been living with the same woman for the past twenty years and they just don’t believe in marriage.
Of course, there’s one way to find out, I suppose.
I roll onto my stomach and lay on the bed, searching for Sean on social media. I can’t find him, and I even look through my Dad’s friends to see if he’s listed there.
But there’s nothing. As far as social media is concerned, Sean doesn’t exist. And then it hits me even harder: why would he be obsessed with updating his feed and changing his profile picture like people my age? He’s a businessman. He’s important. He has far better things to do with his time, like traveling the world and making huge business deals.
I don’t know why I ever even indulged the thought that I could be anything to him. It was so stupid.
But even so, there’s a part of me that wants to use that number he gave me. I could make something up. I could go out and pretend that I got lost again, even if I knew where I was.
Yeah, great idea, Candace. And then he’ll think you’re a stupid, ditsy airhead who can’t get around a city on her own. Way to impress him.
Or maybe I could call him and tell him that I was being harassed. When he arrives, I can just say that the person went away when I told them that I’d called someone to come and protect me.
But then he might realize that it was a lie, and I can’t do that to him. He might even ask me upfront if I’m telling the truth, and then what would I do? Or worse, what if he told me I should make a police report and even accompanied me to the police station? I might get to spend more time with him, but it would be awful – and anything that could ever be between us in the future would be based on a lie.
Or I could pretend that I got sick. Fake a cough, put something hot on my forehead until right before he gets here, so he thinks I have a fever. And then…
And then when I miraculously get better, he’ll go and I’ll be right back where I started. If he even comes. Maybe he would just tell the hotel staff to look after me or have me taken to the hospital.
No matter which way I look at it, there’s only one thing I can do that has any chance of working at all. I could call him and tell him that I want to spend more time with him. Pure and simple. Not that I need him – just that I want him.
But I could never do that. How could I? I’ll only end up feeling even more like an idiot when he turns me down because his work is more important.
His work has to be more important than little old me.
This is so stupid. It almost feels as though Melbourne has been ruined for me. Like the city is no longer appealing, because if I see it, I know I’ll be seeing it alone.
Maybe I shouldn’t have come here in the first place. If I call up my Dad, he’ll understand. I was stupid and careless on my first day and I got dehydrated, and then I got lost, and then a stranger yelled at me, and I realized that I can’t travel alone. He’ll help me book a new flight so I can go home right away.
