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This time, when Kaly looks at me, there are no lies, there’s no fog of a high in her pretty eyes. She’s not lying, and it does things to me. Things I don’t want to admit or allow myself to feel. But I don’t have a choice because all I can see or smell, or feel, is her.
“I may have been young, sort of innocent, but I knew what I felt in my heart, Cassian,” she admits softly, her lips capturing my thumb, and I watch with pure lust coursing through my veins as she sucks the digit into her warm mouth. Her teeth scraping along the flesh, sending desire straight to my hardening erection.
“Kaly.” Her name is a warning. “Little liar,” I say, calling her the nickname I’ve given her since that night. “Don’t tease me.”
This time, I see the girl I once knew when she locks her gaze with mine. “Why? Because you’ll finally give in to what you’ve always wanted?” she teases and bites down on my thumb hard until my cock throbs against my zipper.
My mind is awash with all the ways I can make her cry and scream. Pushing her back until she hits the mattress, I’m on her in a second. My body looming over her smaller one.
Thankfully she’d already gotten dressed because if she’d been in the towel, it would’ve fallen open, and I would’ve been knocked breathless by the sight of her naked beneath me.
“This isn’t the way it should happen,” I tell her earnestly.
Kaly shakes her head. “Why? Because it’s against the rules?” This time, it’s another one of her sassy remarks, those that always got her into trouble around me.
I watched for years as she came into her own with the boys at school. Though none of them were confident enough to take it too far because I had my Haven boys, along with my two brothers, watching her like hawks.
But there was always one or two guys hanging around, hoping to get lucky. They never did. I made sure of it. Kaly doesn’t know what I did in school to keep her virtue safe. Deep down, I wanted it for myself, but now that I know that ship has sailed, I know I can’t be her first, but I’ll most definitely be her last.
“I never wanted you to hurt, to feel pain, but when your grandmother died, and you went over the edge, all I could do was be there for you,” I tell her. I recall those dark days easily because they will always be stuck in my mind, reminding me of just how difficult loss is.
“You could’ve healed me.”
“By what? Fucking you?” I bite out as frustration takes hold. I spent nights alone thinking of her then. I would drop her at home after the parties she loved to frequent, and when I did, I always wanted to follow her inside. I wanted to see her flop onto her bed and fall asleep. I didn’t need those cheerleaders who so clearly wanted me; all I craved was Kalyn. “I’m sorry.”
“No, you’re right. There wasn’t anything else you could offer me,” she grits as the anger drips from her words. Shoving away from her, I put distance between us. The cold of her not being snug against me hits me hard. And I miss it. I miss her softness.
I glance at her from over my shoulder. “I shouldn’t have said that. I didn’t mean it like that,” I murmur. “I just didn’t see a way out of the darkness.”
For a long moment, she’s silent. I watch as she slides onto the bed, tugging the comforter over her body. Her eyes are still on me, watching me as if I’m about to disappear. But I don’t. I settle in the wingback chair and keep my attention on her.
“There was a lot of darkness back then,” Kalyn says. “But there’s so much more now. If you would’ve just admitted what you felt back then.” It’s not an accusation, but it still bites right down to my gut. Perhaps if I had told her how I felt, things wouldn’t be so fucked-up.
“Maybe,” I acquiesce. “Go to sleep.”
She lifts her head for a moment before asking, “Will you stay?” She doesn’t reach for me, and I don’t go to her, but I realize she doesn’t want to be alone. I ponder her request. Her expression pleading silently, and I nod.
“Yes, I’ll be here all night.” I shouldn’t stay because if I do, the temptation to finally taste her will be too much. But I can’t leave her alone. Not when she’s struggling.
She’s trembling as she slips under the covers, and I realize it’s going to be a tough night.
“How long has he been feeding you that shit?” I ask, praying she says it’s nothing too serious.
