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The reason we’re here is not to reminisce on days gone by but to say a final goodbye. I just wish my father was here. Even though he couldn’t make the trip due to his illness, I still miss my dad being close.
I think about the last time I saw him, two days ago, when I told him we needed to get this done. He looked so much older, frailer, with his hair graying and the illness taking hold of him like I never thought possible. Even though they caught it early, the treatments have stolen his energy. All I can do is pray that he overcomes it, that it doesn’t spread into his stomach and liver, but there are no guarantees in life.
My chest tightens at the thought, reminding myself of what I’ve already lost, who I’ve lost. Tears burn my eyes as I push open the door and step out of the town car. My gaze taking in the three-story mansion, I notice how ancient it looks from out here. Since living in Los Angeles, where everything is glass and steel, I breathe a sigh of relief, taking in the darkness of the wooden beams and black metal terraces. Most of Thorne Haven is old, with antiques and open brick.
“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Paulo, my fiancé, questions in a whisper, his arm wrapping around my shoulders. It’s meant to come from a place of love and affection, but I know it’s more intrusive to find out if I’m feeling like snorting white powder up my nose.
“I’m fine,” I tell him before stepping onto the porch and over the threshold as our driver pushes open the door. My heels clink against the tiles as I step inside the home I came to love. I’m different now, yet still the same. I’m older, more mature, but the lie I told still haunts me. The addiction I allowed to eat away at me is still there, lurking beneath the bright, fake smiles and designer clothes.
It’s all smoke screens.
I take in the entrance. Nothing has changed. It’s as if the house was stuck in a frozen state with us not living in it. Compared to most homes in Thorne Haven, ours is modest.
“Are you sure?” Paulo asks as he sidles up beside me, causing me to glance up at him. He’s the man I agreed to marry. The same man who’s been my co-star for the past two years, and the same one who’s now found his way into my home.
I wasn’t ready to bring him to Thorne Haven, but Dad insisted. For some reason, he likes Paulo. Perhaps it’s because Paulo was there for me when I went to rehab the first time, and the second. If only Dad knew the truth.
Maybe it’s because he thinks that Paulo can save me. What he doesn’t know is that my fiancé is the one who’s feeding my habit, one party at a time. But if I were to admit it, I know Dad wouldn’t believe me.
I nod my head because I realize I haven’t answered him, and he doesn’t like being ignored. The thoughts of my father have my chest tightening. I can’t look at the disappointment in my father’s gaze anymore. I’ve spent the past few months watching him get sick, get weak, knowing I’ve fucked up. More so than usual.
Paulo has seen to it we’re in his debt. I don’t know how long I can survive this, but for my father to get his treatment, I play the game until I can find a way out of this shitshow my life has become.
“Yes.” I smile up at the man who says he loves me. “I’m going to shower,” I tell him, ignoring the glare he pins me with. The heat of his stare is nothing short of scorching, as if he’s trying to burn me alive. I know he’ll ensure I’m pliant this evening. And every night after. I’ll spend my life with him in a blur of highs, and a series of lows.
“I’ll be up in a bit to check on you,” Paulo says, his voice tinged with fake concern, and I have to fight the urge to roll my eyes. “Kalyn.” My name is a warning on his tongue, so I nod, but I don’t lock my eyes on his. “While we’re here, don’t forget where you belong.”
For a long moment, I stay silent, tears burning my eyes.
“Are you listening to me, Kalyn?” His voice is terse with frustration. “Because if you don’t, you know I have something to ensure you obey.” The threat is there, reminding me what I’ve gotten myself into. His steps behind me send a shudder through me, and when his hand grips my arm, his fingers dig into the flesh, causing me to wince. Then Paulo leans in, “And you know how much I like when you submit to me.”
