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I shrug my shoulders, looking over it with the same complex confusion. “Trial and error?” I suggest.
“Your funeral,” he jokes before laughing even harder at his ridiculous little pun. “Arms up. Let’s do this shit.”
Cruz gathers the dark red latex in his hands, making a hole for my head to slip through as I twist my hair up into a bun, not willing to let it get tangled in the material, not unless I want to lose chunks of it on my big coming back from the dead day.
He double-checks that he’s holding it the right way with the underwired cups and the coochy high slit at the front before shoving the tight material over my arms and head. It gets stuck on my shoulders. “Fucking hell,” he mutters to himself, getting busy trying to yank it down into place.
The underwired cups plaster across my face as the latex slaps across my skin, every time Cruz pulls it out just a little, it sounds better than one of King’s amazing ass spanks. “Holy fuck, dude. Hurry up. I’m going to need a fucking facelift after this.”
“I’m getting there,” he murmurs, concentrating hard. “Wait,” he says, stopping. “You’re fucking naked. Didn’t you want panties or something first?”
“No,” I scoff. “Not in this thing. Best to go without. Just make sure I don’t trip and fall and flash my fucking cooch to all of Dynasty.”
Cruz chuckles to himself, probably committing the vision to memory as he gets back to work. “They’d be honored to see such a perfectly tight pussy, although, its beauty is bound to give some of those old fuckers a heart attack,” he muses. “Wouldn’t that be the best way to go? Death by pussy? You know, I’d be fucking honored to be smothered to death by that thing. Any fucking day, babe. Just say the word and you can come and sit on my face.”
A massive, smitten grin stretches across my lips and I let it fly strong and proud knowing that he can’t see it. I fucking love Cruz’s humor. His chilled, relaxed light is the perfect match to balance out the boys’ darkness. At first, I thought it was just Grayson and Carver who struggled on the dark side, but the more I’ve gotten to know them, the more I’ve realized just how dangerously close King is to toeing that line, just like me. Cruz is a must in our group. He keeps us all sane, all down to earth and grounded. Without him, we’d all be locked up and fighting our demons.
He pulls the latex a little harder and my eyes pop out the top. “Cruz,” I whisper with the underwire cups pressing against my lips.
His eyes meet mine, softening as he recognizes the white flag flying high in my tone. “I know,” he whispers, stepping in closer and pressing a soft, lingering kiss to my forehead. “You just need time.”
I nod, realizing that he isn’t about to drop to his knees and start groveling for forgiveness like Grayson and King are bound to do. He doesn’t need to because I know his heart just as he knows mine. I know he didn’t intend to blow me up. He was backed into a corner just like the rest of them, and I know deep in my heart that he’s spent every second since hating himself for his part in it.
“It just hurts,” I tell him. “I understand why you did it and I respect that, I would have done the same thing had I been in your position, and I forgive you for having to make such a hard call, but as much as I want to forgive and forget, it doesn’t just magically take the pain away.”
He steps into me again, getting the dress over my face and curling his arms around me, rubbing his thumbs back and forth over my ass cheeks. “You know that I’m going to spend every day of my life making it up to you?” he tells me. “Every fucking time I close my eyes, I see your body being thrown through the air. I begged them to stop. I broke two of King’s fucking ribs with my knee, but we had to keep going. We trusted Carver to take care of you, and while I knew he wouldn’t have done it in the same way that I would, I know that he wouldn’t have let any harm come to you. I know you didn’t feel it, but you were safe.”
I nod and raise my chin, silently begging him to kiss me. “I’m starting to realize that.”
Cruz brings his lips down to mine and it’s like coming home. He gives me everything and just as always when it comes to Cruz, I feel all of his emotions through his warm kiss. The regret that sits heavily in his chest, the relief to have me home, the self-hate for not staying with his brothers in the first place. I might have been the one wronged by the boys, but they’re harboring their own pain and it’s a deep, guttural pain that I’ll never be able to take away.
