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I can’t even be sure I’d be with The Firm anymore, and I have to question myself—really question myself—about whether my desire for Ella is pure desire for her or if it’s strengthened by the fact that I’ve given up my job for her. For a long time, The Firm was the steadiest thing in my life. The jobs we took under my brother’s direction provided a shape to my days, a way to make good money, and a reason to get up in the morning.
I’m not questioning if Ella would be enough. She would be—I know that by the way she fits into my arms. By the way her scent makes me feel, which is powerful and peaceful at the same time. But would I be enough for her, if I told her I didn’t want this?
I breathe through the thoughts in my head. They are just thoughts, and having them doesn’t make any one of them truer than the others. I hold my emotions at a distance and try to consider them with an impartial mind. I’m obviously unsettled about how things have been left with The Firm. I’m wishing for more solid footing in my life, and not having it is causing some fear and anxiety. But mostly, overriding everything, is how much I want Ella. How much I care for her. I can’t keep that feeling at any kind of distance. It’s too close.
“Would you ever want to live with me? To continue our power exchange in my home, rather than here?"
Her head comes up, curiosity running through the shades of amber in her dark eyes. “Yes.”
“Even if it wasn’t all of this?” I gesture around us and the obvious wealth. “I can take care of you, but this is not a lifestyle I ever imagined for myself.”
She pushes herself up to look into my eyes. “Would you ever want to live with me, then? Even if it was all this?”
I smirk at her to cover the instant twinge of uncertainty that burrows into my gut. “I don’t think I could maintain this lifestyle for you.”
“You wouldn’t have to. I’ve never had to work a day in my life. When my father died, I got everything. There wasn’t anyone else to inherit a thing. Even his business partners and everyone else suing for this and that and claiming rights …” She lies back down, as if comforted by the memory and explains, “Kam took down every single one of them and I got every dime to my father’s name.”
There’s something … off about the manner in which she delivered that statement. Like she’s used to the vultures, used to litigation.
“Did you expect that? That when he died, you’d have to fight to keep what he left you?”
There’s a sad smile that graces her lips as she peers into the fire. “In this world, there is always someone wanting what’s yours. I remember once, I …” she hesitates and I tell her to go on, to tell me what she’s thinking.
Swallowing thickly she admits, “Kelly, Trish and I, we were as thick as thieves.”
“You still are from what I can tell.”
Her hair rustles against my chest as she readjusts in my lap, getting more comfortable, still staring at the fire as if it’s playing back her memories. “We are. Because of the shit we got into. Drugs, alcohol … we were given invitations that no one should ever give minors. And I didn’t have a father or mother to tell me no. I had Kamden. Who was used to getting himself and his sister out of trouble.”
“I’ve seen your record.”
“It’s a colorful résumé, isn’t it?” she sighs, not with nostalgia, but with regret. “I’m thankful for Kam and what he did for me. If it weren’t for him, I might not be this version of fucked up, but I would be a hollow shell of …” She breathes in deeply before clearing her throat. “What I mean is that, all of this, is forever mine. There’s no needing support from anyone. So if you could want this, then it’s no bother.”
“I imagine—this—comes with Kam? Kamden was there for everything?”
“Always.” Ella skims her finger over the collar of my shirt. “Ever since I can remember. Our families have known each other forever. You know Kam’s sister, Trish and I, we got along from the start. That’s the way it is in this life. There are so very few people you can trust. You tend to stick with the ones you know, and we always knew Kam’s.”
I had friends growing up, though none were wealthy and there was never a threat of trusting the wrong person. Family friends, of course. My family had those. But they came and went and came back. It was easy. Society fears were never something I concerned myself with.
