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Silence stretched on until Poppy’s heart was in her throat. Why wouldn’t he just leave? Why couldn’t he accept the truth, for everyone’s sake?
“You’re wrong.” The floor squeaked as he came around her, staring down at her. “I messed up. Big-time. I had you and I didn’t understand how important you were—not yet. After three years, I thought our night together would be another good time. I woke up and life was upside down. I hightailed it out of there, too scared to think things through. I was always looking for you—to see you, to avoid you...”
Her heart thumped. He’d looked for her?
“After that, I stayed drunk for a good six months. Deacon snapped me out of it, sobered me up and told me to get over you, find someone else. I looked, believe me. But none of them were you.” He paused. “I’m an idiot for ripping up your letters and a chickenshit for never returning your calls. I didn’t understand then what you mean to me. Now I know. And now that I’ve found you, I’m not letting go without a fight.”
For an instant, his words filled all the cracks and holes her heart bore. Too bad she knew they were a desperate attempt to hold on to her until he was ready to cut her loose. She couldn’t go through that again, not with Rowdy relying on her. “Stop, Toben. I...I need you to leave.”
“I love you, Poppy.” The words were rough. “Whether you believe me or not, I want you to know it.”
Poppy pressed her eyes shut, digging deep for the strength to send him away.
“You hear me?” he asked.
She looked up at him, her words thick. “I hear you.”
“Want me to go?”
She almost shook her head. If only she could believe him...love him. But loving him was a risk, the biggest risk of her life. Would he still love her once he knew she loved him? Or was it the challenge that kept him around? Confessing how she felt opened the door to a pain she wasn’t sure she could bear. For her and Rowdy.
She wanted to believe him. Nothing would make her happier than knowing his love was real. But her fear and anger had been so well tended the last few years she didn’t know how to trust in him. No matter how much she wanted to.
“Yes. I want you to go.”
She hadn’t expected the anguish on his face. Or the slicing pain in her heart as he left her feeling more alone than she’d ever been before.
* * *
“CHEETO LOOKS GOOD.” Toben smiled, adjusting the pony’s girth and double-checking Rowdy’s stirrups. “Before long, we’ll need to get you on a horse. One that will be a friend for you and Cheeto.”
Rowdy grinned. “Think so?”
Toben nodded. “When you come to the ranch, you can see what I do. We have a lot of horses needing homes. Like your dog. What are you going to call her?”
“I like Lady or Cheyenne. Ma likes Cheyenne.” Rowdy said. “She said it was a special place.”
Toben patted his son’s leg. “It is.” Cheyenne, Wyoming, was where Rowdy was made. Cheyenne was where he’d fallen in love with and then lost Poppy. “It’s a good name.”
Rowdy nodded.
“Don’t you two look like peas in a pod?” Renata sat on her roan, her saddle and bridle decorated with red, white and blue ribbons—like everyone else’s. “Handsome as all get-out.”
Toben nodded. He’d searched high and low until he’d found matching shirts for him and Rowdy. In Poppy’s shop, of course. “We look good.”
“Think he gets his looks from his mom,” Renata said, winking.
He nodded. Poppy was a beauty. All day he’d struggled with the deep hurt of her rejection, but he understood. If she couldn’t trust him, it was his fault. She’d seen how he lived, up close and personal, and knew he was a rat bastard. Had been. Not anymore. He had two options: give up a future with her or show her he’d changed. Put that way, there was only one choice.
Rowdy giggled, tipping his hat at Renata. “Thank you, ma’am.”
Renata exchanged a look with Toben, smiling broadly. “That, right there, is how a real cowboy talks to a lady.”
Toben beamed with pride, swinging up into his saddle beside his son. He was riding one of the refuge horses. The white horse had been painted with chalk, a faux firework across his haunch and back legs. Renata’s handiwork. “You ready to show them how it’s done?” he asked.
Rowdy nodded. “Yes, sir. Where’s Ma?” he asked, turning in his saddle.
“I know your ma. She won’t be late.” Toben guided the horse in line. For Poppy White, rodeo was serious business.
