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He took a deep breath, stretching his neck. “Productive? If we don’t talk about it, how are we ever going to fix it? We made a mistake. You know it. I know it.” His hands came to rest on my shoulders. “Our kids need a family. You need to move past this, Claire. You’re keeping our family apart because you won’t forgive and forget. Let us move on.” His hand traced my cheek, before returning to my shoulder. “Remember, we always agreed to put them first.”
His hands slipped from my shoulders, gripping my upper arms. He tried to pull me closer to him, but I wouldn’t let him. When I tried to shrug out of his hold, his hands tightened.
Panic rose, constricting my lungs. I took a shaky breath, knowing that my voice revealed the effect he had on my nerves. “We’ll always be their family. But things are different, Daniel. We’re not married. We’ll always be the kids’ parents, but we won’t be a couple again.”
“Because you won’t give us another chance. Everyone deserves a second chance, Claire.”
I’d given him a second chance after he’d kicked me and broken my rib. It was one of a dozen second chances I’d given him. “It’s time for both of us to have real space.”
“What do you mean?” His breath hit my face when he spoke. His hand tilted my chin up, forcing me to look at him. His face, his blazing eyes, were inches from mine.
I knew that look. I knew he was on the edge. I swallowed. Anything I did or said would only make things worse now.
“What are you saying?”
I tried not to react, but my lips were quivering, I could feel them.
“You’re leaving?” His fingers felt like talons pinching into my cheek, and my upper arm felt numb from his grip. His face reddened, the vein in his forehead popping out as he took deep, ragged breaths.
“Daniel,” I spoke softly, “please let go of me.”
“Why? So you can leave? Take my kids from me?” He shook his head. “I never thought you could be this selfish. What the hell is wrong with you? ” His fingers dug deeper, my cheek and arm throbbing in protest.
“Daniel, you’re hurting me,” I whispered.
His eyes narrowed. “Not really.” He pulled me against him, wrapping his arms around me and whispering into my ear. “But I will, Claire.” His words made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. “If you try to leave.”
“Claire, honey.” I heard Mom, knew she was coming into the kitchen.
Daniel released me instantly.
I stood frozen. I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak. If I did, I would lose it. I didn’t know what Daniel might do then, but I didn’t want to find out.
Daniel stared at my mom, smiling tightly. “Morning, Marty. Stopped by to see Claire on my way out. I need to get going.”
“Oh, Daniel, what a surprise,” my mother said as she sauntered into the kitchen holding a stack of towels. She was doing her best to act as if nothing out of the ordinary was taking place. I knew better; her hands shook as she placed the towels on the counter.
He looked at her then back to me, his eyes blazing. “I just wanted to welcome you home. I’ll call the kids tonight. We can talk more then.” He stared at me, his blue eyes narrowing when I didn’t respond.
After the door closed and I knew he’d left, I felt my knees buckle beneath me. I slid onto the kitchen floor. He was gone. I could safely lose control without worrying about any recriminations or punishment.
My mother sat beside me on the floor, wrapping her arms around me. She rocked with me, dropping a kiss on my forehead. “He’s gone, honey.” She put the phone in my hand. “You’ve got to call your lawyer, Claire. He can’t come in here and scare the shit out of you whenever he wants to. He can’t put his hands on you anymore.” She tilted my head to inspect my cheek. She winced. “I’ll get an ice pack.”
She stood, pulled the ice pack from the freezer, and placed it on my cheek.
“If I thought he was going to barge in here like that I’d keep Fred in my pocket.” She stood over me, her hands on her hips.
Something about the image of my mom, all five feet two inches of her, baking cookies with Dad’s 9mm “Fred” hanging from her gingham apron pocket made me giggle. “I’d prefer you kept Fred locked up in the gun safe under your bed, Mom. Thanks, though.”
“If he shows up again, Claire…” She was breathing hard. “Just call Regina so she can file a restraining order against that son of a bitch.” She sat beside me again, pulling me to her.
I nodded against her neck. Her comforting smell of vanilla and rose oil opened the floodgates. I let myself cry, sobbing loudly, while leaning against my mom on my kitchen floor.
***
The two weeks flew by.
The first few nights were hard. My nightmares of Daniel had faded, but his recent visit brought them back. When I woke up I’d read or write until I was calm enough to go back to sleep. It took four days before the dreams went away again.
