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‘I suspected it last year—a few weeks before we married. The doctor in Switzerland who confirmed I was pregnant also confirmed the presence of the lump. My...my grandmother died of cervical cancer—’
‘Why have you waited this long for treatment?’ he railed.
‘Andreos. I wanted to make sure he was safe. And loved.’
He went even paler, his eyes growing pools of horror and disbelief. ‘You’ve known this...you’ve carried this for a year...and you didn’t tell me?’ he rasped, almost to himself as he gripped his nape with a shaky hand. ‘Why? Because you were testing me? Because I let you down? Because you don’t trust me?’
No! Because I love you. Because I can’t let you both watch me die.
‘Because I didn’t want to put Andreos through what might happen. He was a miracle, Ax. I couldn’t...didn’t know if I could carry him to term, but once I knew I was pregnant I knew I had to try.’
‘You found out about the lump the same day you found out you were carrying Andreos?’ he asked, his voice still stark.
I nodded. ‘I just... I couldn’t lose him, Ax. I couldn’t risk a biopsy to find out whether my prognosis was the same as my grandmother’s. But I agreed to frequent scans that wouldn’t harm the baby. When the first one showed that the pregnancy was stopping the lump from growing—’
‘You chose to stay pregnant,’ he finished, awed disbelief in his voice.
I sniffed back tears and nodded again. ‘You see, Andreos was a miracle in so many ways. Conceiving him bought me time, and once he was born... I just couldn’t let him go.’
‘But the lump is still there. It’s causing you pain, isn’t it?’ he asked, even though the knowledge blazed in his eyes. ‘That’s why you touch your stomach. That’s why you were unwell on the plane. And the timing of your return... That was your plan all along—to hand over Andreos and go off and fight this on your own?’
‘Yes,’ I answered simply. ‘I’ve had one scan since Andreos was born. It showed a small growth rate. But it’s...it’s time for further tests. Axios, I watched my grandmother suffer in the last months of her life. I can’t...won’t put Andreos through that if that’s what I’m facing. I have to leave. I would prefer it if you didn’t fight me. But...what you said...about erasing me from his life—’
Axios cursed and shoved both hands through his hair. ‘That was an idle threat. You’ll always be his mother and he’ll know you as such. He’ll know your courage and what you did for him,’ he intoned in a low, solemn voice.
At my sob of relief his lips firmed and he stared at me for an age. ‘Andreos,’ he said heavily, with a finality that struck real fear into me. ‘He’s the only reason you’re doing this.’
It was a statement—as if he already knew the answer. He took a step back. Then another. Until an unpassable chasm yawned between us.
‘Very well. If you’ve made your choice then so be it.’
I’d expected this to come, but still I stood in utter shock as Axios blazed one last searing look at me, then turned and stalked away.
Shock turned into numbing self-protection when, upon waking up alone in the master suite the next day, I learned from Sophia that Ax had left. That he’d left instructions for Andreos and I to return to Athens alone.
As if the staff knew things had changed drastically, from the moment we walked through the front door of the Athens villa the atmosphere seemed altered. The only one who thankfully remained oblivious was Andreos. Having mastered the art of rolling over, he was now determined to conquer sitting up in record time, and thus provided the only source of delight in the house.
In a bid to make the most of whatever time I had with him, before Ax returned, I all but banished poor Sophia as I greedily devoured every precious second.
Two days turned to three.
Then four.
And then came the news from the housekeeper that Ax was expected mid-afternoon.
The urge to delay my exit, to see his face one last time, pummelled me. But, knowing I couldn’t delay the inevitable, I booked my flight to Switzerland. The bag I’d hastily packed while Andreos napped stood like a silent omen at the foot of my bed.
‘The car’s waiting, kyria,’ Sophia informed me, her face wreathed in worry.
Unchecked tears streamed down my face as I leaned down and brushed my lips over Andreos’ plump cheek. ‘Promise me you’ll look after him?’ I managed through a clogged throat.
Sophia’s anxious gaze searched mine. ‘I... I promise. But, kyria—’
I shook my head, knowing I’d break down if this was prolonged. ‘That’s good enough for me. Thank you, Sophia.’
Bag in hand, I hurried out, flew down the stairs to the waiting car. Blind with tears, I didn’t register his presence until the car was pulling away.
‘I will allow those tears for now, pethi mou. But for what comes next I’ll need that formidable resilience I’ve come to know and adore.’
