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I wanted to rush it and slow it down at the same time.
I wanted to hold it in my palm and savour it even while I strained for complete annihilation with every cell in my body.
‘Please...’ I panted, unsure which path I yearned for more.
With a series of piston-fast, mind-melting strokes, the moment arrived. White-hot, searing, intense. I was catapulted into unadulterated bliss, eagerly surrendering to the power and might of it.
His head buried in my neck, Neo gave a muted shout, his body shuddering for endless moments in the throes of his own release.
After the frenzied pace of his possession time slowed to a crawl, as if the power of our jagged coming together, the intensity of the moment, needed reverse momentum to slow and steady it.
Heartbeats slowed. Pulses quieted. Like a powerful drug taking me under, lethargy stole over me. I closed my eyes and drifted, cloaked in a moment’s peace before I had to face what had happened.
The moment arrived all too soon.
First came the loss of the searing palm-to-palm contact that had somehow heightened this experience from base act to something...more, followed by the complete withdrawal of body heat when Neo rose lithely from the sofa, triggering an acute self-consciousness of my naked state in contrast to his almost completely clothed form.
Then, with his thick curse uttered in Greek, but nevertheless unmistakable, I was wrenched from my insulated bubble.
The living room lights, which had provided seductive ambience during our furious coupling, suddenly blazed too bright, exposed too much, making me blink a few times before I focused on the man frozen in a half turn from me, a look of stark disbelief and something else that looked like furious self-loathing etched into his face.
‘I... Is something wrong?’ I cringed at my husky sex-hoarse tone.
Neo ploughed his fingers through his hair, turned and stalked down the hallway. Dread dripped torturous ice water down my spine. The frantic darting of my mind was locked in place for several long seconds before I jackknifed upward, my feet landing on the plush carpet as I tried to marshal my thoughts.
It took far too long to find and wrestle my tangled panties on. I was cursing my shaking hands and their inability to straighten my bra straps when brisk strides signalled Neo’s return.
My disquiet intensifying, I glanced his way. He ignored me. I told myself to be glad, but my stomach churned harder, the regret I’d anticipated and almost accepted would arrive suspiciously light in place of the hurt and confusion swamping me.
His movements jerky, unlike the smooth, animalistic grace he’d exhibited earlier, he headed for the drinks cabinet, but at the last moment veered away and stopped before the glass wall.
Silence pulsed as he stared out, ferocious tension riding his shoulders.
I dragged my fingers through my hair, shoving it out of the way in order to secure my bra, and hurriedly punched my fingers through the sleeves of my blouse. I was tugging the sides together when he turned.
If his eyes had been turbulent pools before, they were positively volcanic now. But that fury was aimed more at himself than at me. There seemed to be bewilderment, as if I was a puzzle he’d tried and failed to put together and now loathed himself for attempting.
He stared at me for another unsettling minute, his lips parted, his chest rising and falling as if he detested the very words he was about to utter.
‘We have a problem,’ he grated.
I was surprised he could speak at all, with his jaw locked so tight and the tendons in his neck standing out.
The feeling of unworthiness returned—harder, harsher. Not good enough, the insidious voice whispered. Never good enough.
I pushed it and my roiling emotions away for examination later. Much, much later.
‘I can tell. Although I’m at a loss as to what it is.’
But even as the firm words tumbled from my lips, the cascade and echo of old hurts was deepening, intensifying.
‘If you’re about to tell me you regret what happened, please save your breath. We don’t need to dissect it now or ever. I’ll be out of your hair in a few minutes. You need never set eyes on me again if that’s what you—’
‘The condom broke.’
The words were delivered like a chilling death knell. I was glad I hadn’t attempted to stand, because my legs would have failed me. I was aware that my jaw had sagged, that I probably made an unattractive sight, sitting there half-dressed, with my skirt askew and unzipped and my blouse wrinkled.
He confirmed it with a quick rake of his gaze and a harder clenching of his teeth. ‘Get dressed, Sadie.’
