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He paced to the window, whirled about and returned to stand in front of her. ‘What would you have done if I’d told you on our last night in Macau?’
She gasped. ‘That’s how long you’ve known?’
He grimaced. Then nodded. ‘Sì.’
Shock threatened to weaken her knees. She sank into one of the many chairs littering the room. ‘I don’t know what I would’ve done. And I’ll never know because you didn’t tell me. You made me think that I had to prove myself to you. That I had to jump through hoops to earn your trust again.’
‘No, it wasn’t like that. I just didn’t want to lose you!’
Her heart leapt, then dipped almost immediately. ‘You didn’t want to lose access to your son, you mean?’
‘Don’t tell me what I mean. You were what preoccupied my mind, not Gianni. You were the one I was afraid to lose. You are the one who has become as vital to me as breathing.’
She held up her hand, stopping the torrent of words. ‘You know what, I don’t believe you. Because you said it yourself, you play to win. Always. Finding out Alessandro did this to me put you in a position of weakness. So you withheld it from me. It’s that simple.’
‘Finding out my own flesh and blood did such a horrible thing to us both made me ashamed,’ he bit out. ‘He smiled to my face and stabbed me in the back. He did worse to you and, for that, I’m sorry, Mia. Sono così dispiaciuto,’ he muttered thickly, taking a step towards her.
Again she held up her hand. Because something inside her was crumbling. And she couldn’t afford to let it. ‘Don’t.’
For the first time in her life, she spotted naked fear on Rocco’s face. He hid it well. In the bunching of his fists before clasping them behind his back. In the measured breaths he attempted to take while his gaze remained glued to her face. In the restraint he showed when she started to back away from him.
‘Where are you going?’ he finally jerked out when she grasped the door handle.
She stopped but didn’t turn around. ‘I’ve lived in fear for over three years. You can live with not knowing how this is going to turn out. See how you like it.’
He was in hell. Not just any hell. The special kind of hell reserved for bastardi like him who believed they could control the outcome of any event. He’d known the moment Allegra approached him with that cat-with-cream look on her face that his sin was coming home to roost.
He’d lied to the woman he’d never forgotten, the woman who owned his heart. All so he could hang onto her for much longer than he deserved. Just so he could try this contentment on for size when all along he’d known it was much more? That he simply couldn’t live without her because he was nothing without her.
The next hour passed in excruciating torture, each second feeling like his last.
Rocco wanted to honour her wish to stay away, but what if each moment put her farther out of his reach? He’d never been one to sit and wait for things to come to him.
So, he wasn’t surprised when his feet propelled him out of the door.
She was sitting with her back against the wall next to the lift, her head bowed. Rocco froze in place as she slowly lifted her head and speared him with eyes filled with pain and censure.
‘You handled this badly, Rocco. So very badly.’
‘Sì, I know.’
Tears filmed her stunning green eyes and he wanted to claw his own heart out. ‘You hurt me. So much.’
Regret and fear shook through him. He swallowed both down. Everything was on the line. And now, more than ever, he needed to play to win. Deciding to risk it, he strode to her, scooped her up in his arms and returned to the suite.
And when she jerked herself out of his hold, he set her free. ‘I swear on my life that I will never hurt you again.’
She shook her head, placing the length of the living room between them. ‘I don’t want that sort of promise. You can’t guarantee that if you don’t trust me.’
‘I can and I do. Even at that first meeting in London, things Alessandro had said and done niggled at me. I didn’t want to believe it. But on the plane when you asked me to believe you about the blueprints, I knew you were innocent of this too. But...we’d been barely been married for a day. We were so new. And what I felt for you overwhelmed me. All of this is no excuse, amante. But all I ask is that you give me chance to make things right.’
She brushed at a tear, and he felt it to his soul.
Dio mio, what had he done?
‘How?’
‘Whatever hoops you choose, I will jump through them. All I ask is that you don’t leave me.’
