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Maddie willed her heart to stop racing but that look she’d caught in his eyes a moment ago, that flash of deep yearning, continued to replay in her mind. Of course now he stood by her side the look was gone, his expression stoic as the doctor went to work.
The moment he
was done Maddie rose from the bed. It was one thing to experience the distance between them from afar; it was another having him right next to her and still feeling as if nothing could breach the wasteland.
‘Are you all right?’ he asked.
She gave a bitter laugh. ‘Do you care?’
‘Of course I care.’
He was moving even closer. She knew it because his scent—the unique ice and earth scent she’d missed so much that it was a constant ache inside her—was wrapping itself around her, seeping into her ravenous senses.
Throat-grating laughter spilled again. ‘You came to my room over an hour ago and you’re yet to say what you came to say. I’m guessing that whatever it is isn’t important to you any more.’
She felt him stop behind her. Beneath her nightslip and the dressing gown she’d thrown on her body strained for his with a shocking hunger.
‘It’s important, Maddie. Probably the most important thing I’ll ever say.’
She whirled to face him, anger and despair and wild, unstoppable craving ripping her apart. ‘Really? Then what’s stopping you? Are you afraid you’ll hurt me more than you already have? Whatever it is, say it and be done with it. Or would you prefer me to bow and scrape and pretend civility? Will that help you keep that control you so sorely lack around me? Or have you mastered that already in the weeks you’ve refused to touch me?’
His face started to tighten but he shook his head. ‘I’m beginning to think that was a mistake.’
‘Well, bully for you,’ she lashed out.
‘Maddie...’
His voice was as shaken as the gaze that dropped to her flat belly. His throat worked but he couldn’t seem to form more words. He whirled away from her, then reversed direction. Shaky hands cupped her jaw.
Maddie’s heart cracked open, but she swallowed the pain. She needed to do this, get through this. ‘Something’s going to change,’ she said.
He tensed. ‘What?’
‘My father’s out of isolation. After I talk to him in the morning I plan to go and see him as soon as I can. And...and then I’m going home—back to London.’
Anguish darkened his eyes and he grew another shade paler. ‘No,’ he rasped. ‘You can’t go. You can’t leave me. I won’t let you.’
The peculiar note in his voice snagged something hard in her chest. ‘You can’t keep me, Remi. Not like this. We won’t survive as long as Celeste—’
‘I haven’t thought about Celeste since the first time I kissed you,’ he interjected thickly.
She gasped. ‘What?’
Firm hands grasped her shoulders as his eyes blazed with a new, terrifyingly intense light. ‘You seem to think she dictates my every move. I accept that losing her the way I did affected me...badly...but from the moment you got into my car the only time I’ve thought about her is when I attempted to use her memory to stop myself from feeling what I feel for you.’
A deep tremble surged from the soles of her feet. ‘And what do you feel for me?’
The hands that rose from her shoulders to cup her cheeks weren’t quite steady. ‘More than I wanted to at first. More than I could deal with. And I admit it terrified me how much I craved you,’ he growled.
‘You closed yourself off from me easily enough.’
His low laugh was gruff and self-deprecating. ‘You think it was easy? Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Staying away was even harder. Why do you think I came back every other day?’
‘Because you wanted to keep up appearances?’
He uttered a pithy curse under his breath. ‘You should know by now that when it comes to you, appearances matter very little to me. No, I returned because even though I tried to stay away from you I yearned for you with every breath. I had to be near you even if I couldn’t be with you. And I didn’t walk away because of your strength. I walked away because of my weakness. I’m in love with you, Madeleine. But I put you in an impossible position and coerced you into this marriage...and I’ve spent every waking moment since then fighting my conscience against letting you go. Slipping up with protection seemed to be another sign that I wasn’t doing right by you.’
