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Everyone could see he was in a rut.
He was lonely, but you know Toren. He’d never admit it.
He always said he was fine. As if “fine” is supposed to be a good thing.
I did know Toren. I knew him well enough to know that everything Leandra said is right. She knows her brother better than I do, so maybe she can see right through the mask he so often wears, the hard front designed to keep everyone out. But he let me in. He let me under the mask, and he let me share his life. I want to believe that when we were together for those eighteen odd months, he wasn’t lonely, but I’m not so sure about it. I always felt this barrier between us, even when we were most connected. He was scared. I knew that. But I thought he would eventually change his mind, change his heart. It was stupid because I knew better.
I believed people couldn’t fundamentally change who they were, but I thought they could change their opinions, minds, and attitudes.
I still believe that.
Which maybe makes me a dumbass, or perhaps too hopeful. I don’t know. When I was with Toren, I always felt like there was more. That there could have been more. If only he hadn’t held back and pushed me away. Things might have been different if he hadn’t pulled back, panicked, and ran.
“So, you can come by on Tuesday…Would that work for you?” Leandra’s question pulls me back.
I have my hair done up in a braid and twisted into a knot, but I left a few shorter strands down. I tuck one strand behind my ear and bite down on my bottom lip, probably gnawing off the tinted lip balm—if that’s even possible considering that it’s lip balm and not lipstick—I have on.
“Yeah. Uh, I open the store at eleven, so it would have to be before that. Or after six when I close. I could bring Milo with me. Or you could…you could also stop by if it’s easier for you.”
Leandra is so beautiful that when she looks at me, I almost have to look away to keep my eyeballs safe. Right now, she looks at me full-on, I look at her full-on, and my eyeballs are starting to hurt, but then she smiles softly and dips her face, saving me from going Leandra-blind.
“I can see you were only half-listening. It’s okay. I know you’re interested. From one businesswoman to another, I know your mind is on Milo and Toren, which is perfectly fine. I’m not offended. I can come to you since I have other employees at the boutique. I can leave during the day on Tuesday, and we can talk business then. Is that okay?”
“Yes.” I’m utterly relieved. “Thanks, for not—”
“I know how it is,” she whispers, then pauses for a moment before continuing, “Actually, no, I don’t. I’ve never been in love. Tor has, though. He loved you. I know he did. Honestly, this might complicate everything, but since he found out about Milo, this is the happiest I’ve ever seen him. Thank you for bringing joy into his life, the first time and this time. I know it wasn’t you who left, and I know what he did. I’m sorry for that. I always thought you’d make a great sister. Just remember. You’re good for Tor. You’ve always been good for him. You and Milo both are. I’m so happy I get to say welcome to the family, this time for good. You and Milo are a part of us now. I hope that’s okay.”
I don’t know why, but my eyes are drawn like a magnet to Toren, who is across the room, his head bent between Taylen, Kirian, and Ash. I bet they’re plotting something bad. The Cromwell males never plot anything good when they get together. I feel sorry for the cake.
He was lonely, but you know Toren. He’d never admit it.
At the exact moment that my chest compresses in from the pain of thinking about Toren alone for all those years—alone and lonely and trying to hide it, even from himself—he lifts his head, and his silver eyes meet mine from across the room. Lonely. I know what it’s like to be lonely. I know what it’s like to miss someone so much that everything feels broken by the force of it. He smiles at me softly like we’re sharing a secret, and the moment is way too intimate and tender. I’ve never been a runner, but right now, I have the urge to run. Or fall off the chaise.
But this is bigger than that. I can’t run. I can’t run from Toren ever again. We share a son, and we have to do what’s best for him, which means gearing up and facing my fears, even if it’s complicated, painful, and scary.
