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"I need coffee," he muttered while walking away.
Henry walked over to the doorway as he said, "Yeah, I could use a pick me up as well. It's pretty exhausting dodging explosions." He chuckled, and Amelia laughed as well.
"At least I know why the pool house looked so bad now," she added.
I laughed, too, but it was weighted. Amelia could feel my true emotions, reading me like a book. "It will be okay, I promise. Eventually, he'll have to see."
I just winked at her and put one finger to my lips while whispering, "Shh." Then I pointed to my ear to remind of their super hearing.
She nodded and tightened her lips, glancing toward the doorway.
I was going to turn eighteen in just five weeks. I had hoped to spend my birthday alone in the cabin with my friends and Tallis. So much for that idea, I thought.
Tallis walked back out with a cup of coffee and sat down beside me. Henry held his cup in one hand and Amelia's hand with the other. They walked off to get some fresh air, and some alone time I'm sure.
Tallis put his arm across my shoulders as we sat on the small porch swing. I curled into him as he let out pained groan.
"Sorry. Did I hurt you," I asked, frowning as I looked up.
"Not physically, but you're killing me in every other way." His voice was quiet with a touch of playfulness, as he winked at me.
"What do you mean?"
I backed away and scooted over on the swing. His arm fell off my shoulders as a ragged breath was sucked in. He took a long sip of coffee, making me worry that he was stalling.
"This is hard for me, Aria," he finally said, his voice soft but serious. "Being so close to you for so long is fueling every feeling I have for you at every moment. Amelia isn't helping things, either." He smiled at me, but his eyes held proof of his inner battle.
I wasn't smiling. Not at all. "What do you mean? What is Amelia doing?"
He laughed, a deep throaty laugh that made so many chills spread over my skin. "She isn't doing anything on purpose. She's connected to you—forever. With most people, she has to be in close contact with them to feel their emotions, but you could be a hundred miles away and she would still feel what you feel. She isn't meaning to project it, but she is—constantly. And in close quarters like this, well, it's hard not to get a big dose of the projection."
Now I felt my face burning with humiliation. None of my emotions had been a secret this whole time. I frowned deeper as I spoke with exaggerated irritation.
"Well that sucks." He chuckled lightly as I added, "So you and Henry have been dealing with my emotional rollercoaster, too?"
"Not Henry, just me."
He tightened his lips and studied the woods around us, avoiding my gaze. At least that explained some of his mood swings and hot-and-cold moments. It also explained why he looked so torn all the time. He was fighting his feelings for me and feeling the pain that it put me through.
"Why just you?"
I regretted that question the second his eyes turned from thoughtful to guilty.
"Because I'm the reason you're on an emotional rollercoaster." He paused for a new breath. "Aria, I'm trying so hard not to let myself hurt you, but this is impossibly difficult for me. I've been trying not to play with your heart, but it's so hard to not let myself be in love with you. Being here, in this intimate sort of setting, well, it's making it that much harder. Then Amelia magnifies everything that I'm already feeling by projecting your feelings that are the same as mine. Very vicious cycle.
"Henry can't even be practical around her. A century of practicing against linking has proven worthless against her. She projects her emotions onto him, and it just magnifies what he already feels. It's not something that we've ever been able to prepare for. I just keep thinking of how I hurt you, and it gives me strength for a few minutes. It wears off quickly when I feel you hurting from my trying to pull away. See? Vicious.
"Then before I know it, I'm touching you again. When you desire me, when you want to touch me, I feel that. When you want to cry because you feel like I don't care, I feel that. It's absolutely killing me. I just want you to know that I am only trying to keep you safe. I need you just like you need me. But I can't give in. Not until I can figure out a way to not hurt you. Please understand."
It was a plea, a cry for mercy, and a confession all in one. How much more could I take?
I nodded slowly, thinking hard about what to say next. "Can we just pretend that kiss didn't happen and go back to the way things were? Just the cuddling and closeness? I promise I won't make any sudden moves."
He laughed, which prompted my smile to form. I loved that sound.
"We can for now. Just don't get carried away and forget that I can hurt you."
I took my first painless breath in months. "I promise I won't."
