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He put his hands around my waist and pulled me close to him. But the close proximity confused things, and I started focusing on not thinking anything at all about my attraction to him.
I was worried Amelia would accidentally project my feelings onto him, and the last time we were together, everything ended in disaster. He would read too much into it, just like he did then, and he'd link up to me once more. I didn't want to complicate things again.
He leaned back to look into my eyes, probably feeling the freaking angst that was becoming tangible, and quite possibly materializing over my skin.
He sighed as he said, "I know you love him, but you can't be with him. You have to quit torturing yourself. You're far too special to spend so much time in pain."
Obviously Amelia was projecting my emotions onto Jared. Now he was going to have to ride my emotional roller coaster too, it seemed. "I know, but I can't help it. I wish… I don't know what I wish."
Jared grimaced as though something painful had just happened. "You wish you could have feelings for me the way you do for him, because it would make it easier on you. I can't even get a kiss, but he almost kills you with his. I don't get it either. Maybe I should've played harder to get."
He nudged me playfully, doing what he could to lighten the mood.
I just shook my head. "That's not it and you know it. I care about you—a lot, and I think you're amazing. But I love him. I can't explain how strongly I love him."
His flirtatious wink brought a shade of light blush to my cheeks.
"You forgot to add sexy to the list of ways you would describe me." Then he frowned before speaking again. "Listen, I don't want to waste my time here talking about him. I've got to get back on the road in a few days. I thought I'd stay here if that wouldn't be too uncomfortable for you."
I threw my arms back around his waist and pressed my cheek to his chest. "It wouldn't be uncomfortable at all. I'm just so glad you're okay. I wish you had called."
I heard his harsh breath as his arms tightened around me. "I really wanted to, but I didn't know what to say. I was going to send a card or a note, but there's not too many good ways to apologize for being a complete ass. Then I heard about what happened and suddenly it didn't matter anymore. All of my pain was replaced with hope. You may love him, but you can't be with him. I have a feeling, though, that you could be with me. At least until you transform. Even one day would be enough for me."
I felt my body go stiff as his flattery stirred my guilt. What was I doing? Was it my fault that he felt this way? What was I doing wrong?
"I don't know why it happened. No one can explain it to me. When Henry kissed me, I didn't burst into flames. So I—"
He flashed a mean look over to Henry while interrupting me with an angry tone. "You kissed Henry? You have got to be kidding me!"
He started to pull away, his eyes trained on an oblivious Henry, but I stopped him, stifling a laugh in the process.
"It wasn't like that. The hyenas were running their mouths about me and Tallis. They were saying some pretty cruel things, and Henry kissed me to shut them up. It worked for the most part. We didn't kiss because of any romantic feelings, I promise. I would have kissed you before I kissed him, I swear."
I quickly realized that was the wrong thing to say, because he pulled my face to his and his lips came down on mine before I could even process what was going on. It was definitely powerful, and like an idiot starving for air, I enjoyed everything he was giving me. But when his tongue swept in, Tallis's face flashed through my mind, and a guilty flurry of emotions attacked me without mercy.
I pulled back, putting my hand against his chest to keep some separation between us. "Jared, I can't."
He sighed long and hard before running his hand through his hair. "I can tell you want to, though. There is no one and nothing stopping you. I wish you would just wake up and see what's really going on. I'm here, and you can have me right now."
I wiped a tear from my eye as it fell. I was ruining everything I touched lately, and Jared was in my path somehow.
"I can't help it. I still love him. I love you, too, but in a different way. I can't be with you this way."
He winced and then turned away. I heard him take a deep breath before he turned back around me. The last time we had this conversation, he stormed off and didn't speak to me for several months. Dread mounted me and made me it's play toy while I waited on him to say something.
"Well, I don't give up that easily. And I don't run away from anything that I want. I'm a lot different from him."
Relief washed through me—well, somewhat. I decided not to mention he ran away like he was on fire the last time we talked about this. It felt good to be wanted, desired even, and I leaned into him.
"I really don't know that I want you to give up. But that's completely selfish of me," I murmured quietly.
I felt his smile without seeing it. "Selfish or not, I'll take it."
I shook my head, wishing he'd wise up and find someone worthy of him.
We sat down and just watched everyone else. I snuggled closer to him, letting his warm arms bring me peace and comfort.
We didn't speak again, because it was easier to just stay quiet. After a while, the party fizzled out finally and everyone went home. Jared was staying on the second floor again. I curled up in my bed and cried myself to sleep silently. Thoughts of Tallis plagued my mind, and my heart warred with what to do.
