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Zee’s words end, and his eyes flash blue when he sees me and the glass of blood I’m working on for him.
“What the actual fuck?” he snarls.
“If you weren’t hungry, you wouldn’t lose control of your eyes. I’ve been reading up on night stalkers.”
I can tell he’s trying to get his blues to die down, but they stay glowing. A growl escapes his chest as more blood flows into the glass.
“If you want it, you need to talk to me. I want to stay.”
He narrows his eyes at me, and I start wondering how stupid I am when he stalks toward me like he might kill me. He grabs my wrist, and his hand clamps down hard enough on the wound to stop the blood flow.
In a breath, he spins me around and pins me to the wall, glaring into my eyes like I’ve really crossed a line.
“Dangerous game, Leah. You have no idea how hard I’m trying not to fucking own you right now. I’m close. Damn close. Every day you’re here, I’m even closer. Understand?”
“To siring me? I don’t want to be a vampire, but I do want to be here. With you. Why? The hell if I know. But it feels like I’m supposed to be here, and I want to be. So let me stay.”
Rambling. I’m rambling.
Great.
I had a perfectly planned speech to use when we were finally alone, and I can’t remember a word of it.
“Really?” he asks through a harsh, humorless laugh. “You think I can control it? You have no idea at the pain I’m in from denying it this long. Every day you’re here is another day I barely survive the urge. Do you understand that? My kind don’t fight this. Hell, my sire didn’t even hear the fucking calling. She just wanted me, so she took me. I’m doing so much better by you than anyone ever did by me. Do you understand that? Stop pushing me, Leah. Thank me instead of torturing me.”
He starts to pull away, but I grab his neck with my free hand and force him to look at me.
“Your sire? Did you… Are you…” I can’t even get the words out. All the night stalker books I’ve read go into great detail that they sire for sex toys and amusement. Very few sire for actual love.
He looks away, as though he can’t meet my eyes. “Someone else killed her before I could break the bonds. I would have done it myself eventually. I didn’t just hate being owned, I hated her, Leah. I fucking hated her for taking away my family, my life, my world… She stole it all. I had no choice in the matter. I wanted to be human.”
He jerks away, but instead of leaving, he just shuts the door. He takes several breaths, and I start feeling like an asshole for leaving my blood lying around. I even try to stop the bleeding on my arm so that it doesn’t torture him more.
Finally he goes to sit down on the bed, and I awkwardly stand in place, unsure of how close he wants me right now.
“I’m sorry,” I finally say, even though it sounds so lame and nowhere nearly as genuine as I feel. “I really am.”
He blows out a breath before lying back, and I slowly walk toward him.
“She liked the way I looked. That’s all that mattered. All the beautiful people that live in this world, and she chose to take me away from mine because she liked the way I looked. I’ve never understood that.”
He pauses as he draws in a tired breath, and that guilt gnaws on me some more.
“We change after we’re turned. Night stalkers don’t get a lot of muscle. We’re more lean and sculpted, designed for true seduction instead of intimidation. She wanted the prettiest prize of them all. Her words. She was in a contest or something. There weren’t laws on siring back then.”
“And there are now?” I ask weakly. My heart is breaking for him.
He nods. “Alyssa put a law in place a long time ago—not that all fey follow it. They serve a century in prison for disobeying the law.” He snorts derisively as he adds, “Thad would have broken the law.”
I start to question that, when he continues to speak.
“Only willing humans can be sired. It was designed to keep people like me from being forced into a world they didn’t want. I’m not as bitter as Amy—you don’t want to meet her. It took me a long time to accept who… what I am. Then Gavin fucks me up twice as much. I’m a walking freak show on a good day, Leah. Now… Now you’re here, and once again, I have no fucking control over anything going on with me. I need you gone. Or I will sire you. Do you understand?”
I don’t understand. At all.
But it’s because I’m not like him. It’s an impasse, and neither of us will be happy no matter what happens.
He slowly stands and comes closer, and I hold my breath as everything around us seems to fade into the background. His hand comes up to cup my cheek, and I lean into the touch, feeling the currents of this confounding connection between us.
