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The vast majority of his life has been dedicated to the sole protection of me, and it almost feels selfish to risk dying just to protect him as fiercely as he has me.
“Are you okay?” Kimber asks softly, as I wipe away the last tear I intend to let fall until I decide what I need to do.
“Yeah,” I say distractedly. “You figure it out?”
She gives me a look that doesn’t exactly appear confident, but it’s close enough.
“Okay, so theoretically, this is going to feel like a memory bowling ball.”
“A what?”
“A memory bowling ball exploding in the central cortex of your brain, to be more precise,” she adds, not exactly helping with the confidence factor. “To me, it won’t be so bad, but considering you’ve never dealt with visions, it’ll hurt like hell. Do you still want to—”
I give her a look. “You read what he went through for me. I can handle a bowling ball explosion.”
She nods, then says, “So the ball of memories will slam through your head like a jerky pin-ball machine, and that’s when it starts hurting. Then the memories will pretty much explode inside your head, flying at you in dismembered fragments, before sealing together like a vacuum, which will be the most excruciating part.”
“Just do it,” I tell her, then prepare myself mentally as I close my eyes and hold out my hand.
“I’m not sure why you’re holding out your hand, but I need you to understand something before I do this.”
Lowering my hand, I peek open one eye. “I can handle the pain. It’s the least I can do, don’t you think?”
Her face stays straight and she hesitates. “The memories will feel like they’re happening if you don’t force yourself to focus and remember that it isn’t real. It’s second nature after doing it for a while, but in the beginning, it’s easy to get lost and forget. Okay? Just remember it isn’t real, even if you have to say it aloud like a crazy girl on a horror film.”
I nod, just ready to get it over with.
“Okay,” she says on a harsh breath. “I’m sorry in advance if I accidentally suspend you in a state of nightmare delusion instead of transferring the memories. Don’t worry, I’ll fix it if I do. Just remember it’s not real,” she says quickly, and my mouth opens just as her hands land on my head.
Pain shoots through me like a live wire of electricity, and it feels like I’m seeing a thousand lives play out in front of me in one burst of surrealism. From a thousand ways he could have loved me if he’d remained the man he used to be—the man before the rage and bitterness he affected just to save me.
Us falling in love in a thousand different ways.
A thousand and one to be exact.
Then I’m pummeled by pain so intense that I feel like I’m convulsing as the taste of ash causes me to gag. For a brief moment, I’m seeing through blurry eyes as someone digs into my chest, tearing me open.
But it’s not me. “It’s not real.”
Far more than a thousand and one times, it’s not me they’re ripping apart. It’s not me enduring this agony. It feels like I’m stuck, unable to move, unable to fight back, and a pained roar vibrates in my ears.
My breath comes out in a rush as I vomit, my hands digging into the ash and dirt beneath me as I stagger to my hands and knees, pushing up. Disoriented, I cry out, seeing a low, blurry sun instead of the cage
and the harbinger who was just digging into me.
And then I vomit for a whole new reason.
Slade. I was in Slade’s head. In his old memories of him siphoning that extra power while his body tried to heal, transferring it, growing stronger as they tore him apart.
My eyes dart around, finding pieces of flickering ash floating around, and I quickly stagger to my feet, wondering where the hell I am.
Then realize I’m in the center of a forest, and for at least a mile in a perfect circle around me, there’s nothing.
Nothing but me and a pile of ash.
My heartbeat starts hammering as fear claws its way up, but then Kimber pops her head out of a portal like she’s checking on me, and I collapse to my knees, relief filling me when I see she’s okay.
She climbs all the way out, warily watching my eyes. “I got you out of the house when you started convulsing. Are you okay?”
