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“You weren’t at the bowling alley,” he says, still reading over one of my boards. That’s a very graphic board.
“Holy shit,” he says as he sucks in a breath.
“Don’t read that one. It’s my serial killer book through her eyes. The publishers won’t take it since they feel it might be banned for being too dark and condoning the incredibly brutal torture and murders of abusive men. Especially since she commits suicide by cop at the end to forever immortalize her name and mission.”
“Spoiler alert,” he says, smirking as he turns back to face me while I shift awkwardly from side to side.
“It’s not going to be published, so it’s not a spoiler.”
“I might want to read it anyway. Does a Chase, Thomas, or James die in this one?” he asks, sounding amused.
“No,” I mumble. I don’t tell him his father’s name is used as the first victim though. I really tortured Clyde for four chapters. It was awesome.
He sighs as he pockets his hands, and when his eyes lock on mine, the room around us seems to shrink in size. Then my world crashes to the ground when he opens his mouth to speak.
“Why didn’t you tell me you came back after that summer?”
Chapter 22
CHASE
Her shoulders go stiff, and her eyes widen. Apparently she didn’t want me to find out.
“You knew?” she whispers, her voice breaking.
“Found out today. Blake saw some old pictures of us and said he saw you one night. Even chased you.”
She groans while putting her head in her hands.
“It was him. That’s where I knew him from,” she mutters.
When she looks back up, I fight with myself to stay in place.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask again.
Her eyes turn into angry slits as she takes a step forward. “Why do you insist on knowing how much you hurt me, Chase? You wanted to know why I came back. You wanted to know why I bought the bowling alley. Why this. Why that. You know the fucking answers. Stop asking the rhetorical questions unless you get off on my pain!”
I wince, wishing I had just kept my damn mouth shut. She’s still hurting even all these years later. It’s like the wound is fresh. And I just keep pouring salt on it.
What she doesn’t realize, is that it’s just as fresh for me.
“She didn’t mean anything to me,” I lamely blurt out, sounding like a cliché from hell.
Her look changes from furious to sad in that instant, and it’s like a punch to gut.
“She meant something to me,” she whispers softly.
“Damn it, Mika! I was trying to get you out of my head by any means necessary. We were fucking kids planning a future we were never going to have. Even if I’d saved up every dime I had working as a busboy in that stupid diner, I would have only had a total of five thousand dollars at most. It wouldn’t have even been a down payment, for fuck’s sake.”
She stares, but remains silent as I go on.
“What then, Mika? Let you move out here with me and live in that shithole house I grew up in while helping me keep my mother from choking on her own vomit or overdosing? Maybe help me drive her to the doctor a few times a year to see what new VD she’d contracted? Possibly help me clean her up when she pissed or shit herself? Pray like I did that one day it would all just be over… that there was nothing you could have done differently on the day she finally died so you weren’t wracked with guilt? Does that sound like a fairytale ending for you? Does that sound anything close to what you fucking deserved?”
My chest is heaving by the time I finish yelling, and the knot in my throat has doubled in size. Tears are in her eyes, her lips are quivering, and my pulse is beating faster with every breath.
I should shut up. I shouldn’t be telling her any of this. It’s just going to complicate shit even more.
“You were it for me,” I tell her quietly. “All there was, Mika. You were the only good thing in my entire fucking life. And I gave you up because I didn’t want you to live through the same shit that made my life so dark. I gave you up because it was the right thing to do. It killed me.” I point to my chest as my voice grows strained. “Killed me,” I repeat, barely keeping myself from losing it. “But I did what I had to. I let you go because I’d never be the same light for you that you were for me, and it wasn’t fair.”
