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It’s my one
solace. It’s under my complete control.
Before I can head up the stairs, my front door swings open and slams into the wall. I squeal and remind myself to start locking that thing even if I have to resort to using sticky notes the way I used to.
When my eyes lock on a set of stormy blues, I swallow hard.
“I’m getting pretty sick of your fucking disappearing acts, Mika,” Chase growls while slamming my door behind him. “What the hell is your problem?”
Swallowing hard, I study his soaked blue T-shirt and jeans, and his hair is dripping wet. Why is he so wet?
“Nothing is my problem,” I say instead of commenting on the fact he’s soaked.
He brushes his dark hair away from his forehead, and he narrows his eyes on me.
“Stop lying to me, Mika. What the fuck is going on with you. Two days ago you were walking into my shop like everything between us was natural. You also straddled me and jacked me off at four that morning. Then you walk out of my shop without even answering me and haven’t called me since. Then tonight I see you, and you run off. Again. Start talking, because I’m not some bitch boy you can jerk around by his leash.”
“I’m not trying to jerk you around by a leash,” I bite out. “I just needed a few days… Then suddenly you’re carrying Whit home. Guess I’m not the only one who struggles with habits.”
He laughs bitterly, and I try to head toward the stairs, but the asshole blocks me before I can. Looking down at me, his eyes narrow.
“You know Whit and I are over. Don’t play like you don’t, Mika. I know exactly what’s going on with you right now.”
“Highly unlikely,” I mutter.
He steps closer, and I step back. “I did the same thing. Hell, I fucking freaked out that first day I saw you back in town. It shocked the fuck out of me. I ran, Mika. Literally. Went to a hotel out of town, cancelled my appointments, and spent two days trying to wrap my head around the fact you were in Hayden. Then I reminded myself over and over that you deserved a fuck-ton more than I could ever give you. My business makes decent money; I have a house with actual windows and floors; I pay for my own shit and have extra left over. But it isn’t ever going to afford much more than that, Mika.”
Anger slices through me, and this time I take a step toward him.
“Since I’ve known you, you’re the only one who has ever put a price tag on our relationship, so don’t put that off on me. I never gave a damn what your bank account looked like, Chase. Not even a little bit.”
His look doesn’t soften. If anything, he looks angrier.
“Think I don’t fucking know that, Mika? Imagine feeling like you had to be something far better to deserve the only fucking person you wanted. You don’t have to do that. You never have!”
He has no idea. It almost makes me want to punch something, scream at someone, or just drop to the floor in tears. But I don’t.
Instead, I stand there and stare at him and let him think he’s the only one who has ever struggled, because telling him anything means I’ll lose the way he looks at me. I was once his light. If he knew the truth, he’d know now I’m nothing but darkness.
“So I went over all the possible things to keep me away from you,” he goes on, breathing heavily. “I tried to stay away, but one fucking thing after another brought me to you. Then you start pushing me away, doing the same shit I’ve been doing, searching for a reason we can’t be together because you know how much it hurts when we’re forced apart. Stop. Just fucking stop. I have. Stop looking for a reason to push me away and give me a damn chance.”
My breaths are heavy in my chest, and my heart hurts a little. He deserves to know the truth… Deserves to know what he’s asking for. But telling him seems impossible.
He steps forward, but this time I hold still as he comes closer and closer until he’s pushing me against the wall. He cages me in until his scent and presence consumes me and my overactive mind. Tilting my head up, I start to say something but he spins me around, forcing me to face the wall. My hands hit the sheetrock, bracing myself at the angle.
A small, surprised breath escapes me when he reaches around and jerks the button of my shorts open, and his lips find their way to my neck.
“All the games stop tonight,” he says against my skin, letting the heat of his breath lick across my skin, sending my nerves into a frenzy. “You taught me how to fuck, Mika,” he continues, kissing a spot just under my ear as his hands work my shorts down my hips. “Now let me show you how to do it better.”
Just as my shorts fall to the floor, he turns me back around, and his lips come down on mine as he roughly tugs me closer by my ass. When I’m forced to grind against him, an impatient whimper leaves my lips. But he swallows the sound, devouring me as his tongue thrusts into my mouth, reminding me what it’s like to feel something. Love something. Crave something.
Stepping out of my shorts, I lean into him more, threading my fingers through his hair as I get as close as physically possible, forgetting all the boundary rules. Forgetting all my rules in general.
Chase lifts me up from the ground, and my legs wrap around his waist as he carries me away from the stairs. The rain grows louder, but I barely even notice it, because I’m too busy trying to keep from ripping Chase’s clothes off.
Before coming back, it’d been so long since I actually had any contact like this, so every single touch is more intimate. Every graze of his fingers on my skin is like fire igniting within a touch, burning through the layers of ice I’ve had surrounding me for years. Layers I needed in order to be strong.
He nips at my lips, smirking when he pulls back, but I’m still clinging to him, desperate for more. As he lowers me to the ground, I look around at the sunroom we’re in as the rain continues to pummel the house. The rain windows are closed, keeping the rain from breeching our sanctuary.
