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He frowns while shaking his head. “No. My job requires a lot of travel. Has nothing to do with you, Sis. And I’m not looking to settle down. Why the hell are you asking about this?”
“Because I feel like you’ve put your life on pause for mine.”
He drops to the sofa, staring up at me as confusion mars his tired face. “We’ve had this conversation before, Mika. I promised you I’m not doing anything with my life based on yours. You made me promise that, remember? I’m always true to my word.”
He gives me his trademark smile that usually convinces me of anything, but after spending over two weeks wrapped up in Chase… I forgot how incredible it could feel to be in love. I haven’t forgotten the pain that goes with it, but I definitely remember why I spent so long searching for that attachment again. It was never an illusion—like they tried to convince me of. It was real. It is real.
Now my brother’s smile isn’t as convincing, because Aidan doesn’t have to have barriers the way I do. He doesn’t have to take precautions. Nothing is holding him back… unless that something is me.
“I love you, and I think you’ve been sacrificing too much for me,” I say sadly, sitting down beside him.
His arm goes around my shoulders as he kisses the top of my head. It’s a rare show of affection, since affection isn’t allowed. I’ve broken the “no physical affection” rule numerous times since reuniting with Chase.
“Haven’t sacrificed anything, sis. Promise. I wouldn’t do that and leave you with the guilt. It’s just you and me, remember? I need you just as much as you need me.”
I sigh as I stare at the blank TV in front of us, and I prepare to confess the truth.
“I want to date again. Dr. Stein said it might be a possibility if the guy sees her and lets her help him understand what he’s getting into.”
Aidan freezes against me. I shut my eyes, hoping this doesn’t get ugly. I hate fighting with him.
“The garage guy?” he asks quietly. “The one Hunter is friends with? You think he’s ready to travel to New York and get a recipe for being with you?”
He’s not cold, angry, or mocking. He’s seriously hopeful, as though he wants that for me. A tear slips from my eyelids as I shake my head.
“Not him,” I say quietly.
His arm slowly drops off my shoulders, and my eyes open to see him glaring at me.
“Fuck no. Not Chase, Mika. He’s the only fucking person in the world you need to stay away from. It’s too intense between you two, and you know it. One wrong move, and you’ll be spiraling out of control.”
He shoves the heel of his palms into his eye sockets, and I swallow against the knot in my throat.
“You weren’t at the campgrounds last night, were you?” he asks without looking at me.
“No,” I answer honestly.
He nods like he
’s thinking that over, silently digesting my words.
“Not him, Mika,” he says finally. “You have to have a slow relationship that builds and grows. Someone who learns your limits and expectations without expectations of their own. You… This isn’t what you really want. You just want what you once had, and you can’t have that back.”
Yeah, it hurts to hear it confirmed aloud, but it’s more than that. I’ve felt more like me these past two weeks than I’ve felt in years.
“It’s not just wanting what I had back. We have… something different. It’s just as intense as it was, but it’s still different. And the way he looks at me… Aidan, I miss people not looking at me like I’m broken or need to be studied.”
When tears form in my eyes, he cuts his gaze away as his jaw tics. He’s reining in his anger, but I can tell he wants to explode.
“That sick fuck of a doctor was sadistic, but he was right about Chase. You made the relationship something it really wasn’t in your head. Yeah, it was intense. But he fucking broke things off and was on the verge of fucking someone else when you saw him again, Mika. How epic of a love is that?” he asks coldly.
A knot forms in my stomach as sickness tries to unfurl. Dr. Kravitz convinced me there was never a relationship as powerful as it seemed to my teenage mind. But in the past few weeks, I’ve quickly learned he was wrong.
I was just as in love with Chase as I always thought I was, and he loved me just as much.
“I don’t expect you to understand,” I say quietly. “You’ve never felt it. But I can’t deny what I feel for him, Aidan. It’s as intense as I remembered and just as real as I always thought.”
He shakes his head, standing before walking away from me.
