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Yeah, I know she doesn’t, but it fucking hurts to hear it aloud.
“She doesn’t want to be seen like this. They still have her in restraints.”
My eyes flick to Whit who has no reaction to that.
“I’ve already filled Whit in. Mika asked to see her,” Hunter goes on.
“Thought only family could get in,” I growl.
“Not if the patient puts them on the list, as Mika has with Whit. Come on. Our window is small.”
Deciding not to dwell on the fact I’m actually envious of Whit being on the list, I follow Hunter down the corridor to the locked double doors. They both open as soon as we reach them, and a woman waves me in, darting paranoid glances around her.
I follow her down the hall until we reach a solid door, and she motions with her head for me to head in like it’s the shadiest operation in history. Taking a deep breath, I steel myself for the worst, and walk inside.
My breath freezes in my lungs when I see her. Her head is facing the wall away from me, and her arms are bound and restrained to the sides of the bed. A sheet is up to her waist, and a hospital gown covers the rest of her.
Taking another breath, I watch as she slowly turns her head to face me, and her swollen eyes widen when she sees me.
“Chase,” she hisses, struggling then wincing as panic flashes in her eyes.
Without thinking about it, I close the distance between us, and to start removing those damn things from her arms.
“Stop,” she whimpers. I let go immediately, grimacing because of the pain in her voice.
“Did I hurt you?” I ask, staring at the cuff and not her face.
“You should go. These have to stay on. It’s policy, and I really, really don’t want you seeing me like this. Please,” she chokes out.
My eyes slowly move up to meet her green ones that carry unshed tears and years of sadness.
“I’m not going anywhere, Mika.”
She looks away, refusing eye contact, and I prepare to deal with the stubborn girl she is even now.
“You have to go. They’ll escort you out once they find you. You’re not allowed back here,” she says quietly, a hint of anger in her tone.
“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”
Slowly, she turns to face me, and some of those tears slip free. “We got to have a little more, Chase. Let that be enough. Find your closure. I’ve found mine.”
That’s the first time she’s underestimated me. I’m not stupid.
“It isn’t enough, and you know it. Ever wonder why I never moved on? Ever wonder why you never did?” I ask her, watching as her jaw tightens.
“Don’t do this,” she finally says.
“It’s because we can’t, Mika. Do you have any idea how rare this thing between us is? I know how fucking terrified it made me feel the second I saw you again. I also know why it was all worth it the second I stopped trying to avoid it. Don’t pretend like you don’t feel it too.”
She blows out a long breath before staring up at the ceiling.
“There’s a balance in life,” she says quietly. “When something really good happens, something really bad happens to balance it out.”
Her eyes come back down to meet mine as a few more tears fall from her eyes, and I sit down on the edge of her bed, careful not to jostle her. She has to be in pain, since Hunter said she can’t take pain meds due to her condition.
“This thing between us…” She’s forced to let her words trail off while she reins in her emotions, and I try to keep my mouth shut and just listen. “It’s unreal. I convinced myself it was never as intense as my teenage mind thought it was. But it was even more intense than I remembered. I think that’s because I never felt heartache before, and now I’m swimming in it. It was… It was even better than it used to be.”
She smiles at me despite her tears, and I reach up to wipe some of them away. She leans into my hand, and I keep it there, needing to feel her.
