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Since I’m seated between him and Max, every time he reaches for the bucket of popcorn in my lap, his fingers brush against mine and a thrill of excitement shoots up in me as I close my eyes against the assault on my senses.
The whole movie is one small torture after the other and by the time we leave, I stumble out, aiming for the bathroom, wanting to wash my face with cold water, my whole body flushed and wanting from Caleb’s close proximity.
When I come out, Max is wielding a toy sword that looks like the one in the movie and he’s brandishing it around like a monkey with a stick. Caleb is watching him carefully, as he immediately steers the little boy out of a couple’s way. He stands behind him, his hands on Max’s shoulders, scanning the crowds.
I’m still out of sight so I take the opportunity to observe him.
Caleb talked about marriage.
At the time, it was too overwhelming but right now, seeing him with Max, I let my imagination wander. What would it be like to have a family with him? What would our child look like?
Would our son look like Caleb with those sharp amber eyes and that dark hair? Would he have my wild temperament or Caleb’s cool?
His eyes are moving about the crowd as he searches for someone and then his gaze locks on mine and he arches a brow.
I make my way towards them and Caleb allows Max to run to me.
“Where’d you get the sword, Max?” I flick my finger at the plastic looking toy.
The child beams at me. “Caleb bought it for me!”
“You didn’t have to do that,” I murmur to Caleb who’s reached my side now.
He gives me a steady look. “I wanted to.” His hand reaches to skim the back of my neck and he asks, “Can I kiss you?”
The wariness in his expression as if he expects to be denied, makes my breath hitch. “What are you waiting for?” I ask.
He grins then and his lips settle on mine in a kiss that has me sighing in happiness.
17
Caleb
Controlling Kendall isn’t something I’m trying to do.
I found her after so long that the fear of her slipping from me is something that haunts me daily. She doesn’t understand my need to protect her and Jace’s behavior is growing more and more suspicious and she doesn’t see it
. I have someone looking into his past, but I can’t see any connection between him and Kendall and it’s frustrating to come up emptyhanded.
Confronting him is an option that I have but not something that I want to exercise right now, without hard evidence. I don’t want him to know that I’m looking into him.
However, I can only go so far with Kendall being cold towards me. Not cold as per, more like she unhappy. She doesn’t seem to know how to fix us after our fight and I see the way she sometimes looks my way, unsure of whether she would be welcome.
My bed seems empty without her, my arms hollow, this sense of loss hurting in a way that nothing has ever done before because she is within arm’s reach and yet, the distance between is so wide.
Maybe that’s what prompts me to go to her apartment on Saturday when I see her leaving on what looks like an outing with Max.
The relief in her eyes that we’re on talking terms makes me want to kiss her silly, to tell her that I will never leave her, that one small fight wouldn’t push me away.
She says she loves me; I can see that a part of her doesn’t believe in the strength of my feelings despite my actions. At the same time, she’s desperate to establish her independence, wanting to keep her head above the waters of what is our relationship.
It’s not that I don’t understand her desire to maintain her own identity and not drown in what she’s becoming. I know her. But this urge to protect her is something she has to accept. She’s not the only one with insecurities. I know my money isn’t what she’s interested in but it’s all I have to offer, aside from my twisted heart.
I know my faults and I know that I’m not gentle and overly expressive. My love is dark, possessive and stifling at times, and a part of me worries that it’ll drive her away.
So, I try to be what I’m not with her.
I’m trying to change myself for her.
