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“I wouldn’t know what to say,” I mutter.
Fergus glares at me. “How about ‘I’m sorry for being a douchebag, Agatha.’”
I don’t say anything, the guilt setting in.
Fergus growls, “You know she’s never going to come to any one of us with her problems. She hates anybody seeing her as weak. If you break her heart, she’ll never speak to you again, as well.”
The words strike a chord in me and I stiffen. “I didn’t break her heart. I just—”
“How do you know?” Fergus’s mouth is pressed in a thin line as he struggles to contain his anger. “No one has seen her for over three weeks. She’s closed herself in her office, just working day and night. Only Zayn’s seen her. The last time she did something like this was when Charlotte disappeared for a y
ear.”
“What do you want me to do?” I snarl at him. “Marry her?”
Fergus shakes his head at me, disbelief and disgust a warring combination on his face. “You’re treating her like you treat the women you casually see for a night. You’ll lose her completely like this.”
“I didn’t—”
“You kissed her, Ian. Not the other way around. Even if she has feelings for you, she never acted on them. But you did. Which means that she’s not the only one who’s harboring feelings.”
I run a hand through my hair, agitated. “I don’t want to screw up our friendship.”
“I think you already have.”
I sigh. “I know. I get that I’m being a coward. But she’s… Agatha is special. If things don’t work out, it will ruin everything.”
Fergus picks up my empty glass and leans back to pick up the whiskey bottle. “You already kissed her and ran. What more can you do?” I make a frustrated noise, and my friend raises a brow. “Agatha is beautiful and smart and successful. And her building is full of good-looking lawyers, who are often hitting on her. The minute she realizes you don’t want her, she’ll move on. If you’re willing to see her with—”
The jealousy building up inside me at imagining Agatha with a faceless man, her long legs wrapped around him; the image makes me see red.
I stand up, abruptly. “I’m leaving.”
Fergus doesn’t try to stop me, but his voice carries over the noisy bar, pleasantly. “Hurt her and I’ll kill you, Ian.”
I shrug on my jacket and tuck my phone in my back pocket.
The day she called me, there was an undernote of something in her voice. I picked up on it but I was about to start an important meeting. However, I know that I could have talked to her in a gentler way, or a normal way, instead of being so cold and formal.
It is evening, and although it is pretty cold, the walk will help me clear things up in my head.
I know I have complicated feelings for Agatha. I know my feelings are getting stronger day by day, but she has always been too special to me to fuck around with. Maybe if I just talk to her and tell her I am not ready for anything right now.
She will understand.
However, deep inside I know that no matter how much it hurts her, she will never tell me about it. If I speak to her now, a line will be drawn, one that she will never let me cross again, even if I will be ready.
Hailing a cab, I decide to just go to her office and see if she is there.
Not having heard her voice in so long and not having seen her, it makes me tense. I miss her, I realize.
Walking towards her building, I glance up at her building floor. Her own office faces the street with clear glass, and right now I can see her standing there, looking outside. I can’t make out her expression, but she has her arms wrapped around herself.
I stand there, just watching her, drinking in the sight of her.
And then the scenery changes as a man walks over to her and puts his arm around her waist. She doesn’t struggle, does nothing to remove it.
I feel something dark twist in my chest.
