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She doesn’t meet my eyes, the drumming of her fingers becoming more and more agitated. Finally, she says, “It was nothing. Water under the bridge.”
“That’s not an answer.”
“Well, that’s all you’re getting.”
The silence between us is tense because I can see she is trying to push me out and I refuse to budge. I fucked up. We both know it. But I want to make up for it. I told her my feelings, well, kind of told her. But now she is the one running away.
Or, is she?
She sighs, a small sound that tears at me. “You should leave, Ian. I’m very busy. George is coming back any—”
“Your client? From New York?” I ask, feeling a little annoyed. Had he been the one who was standing next to her when I had glimpsed her from the street?
“He’s gone to pick up some Chinese from across the street,” she says by way of explanation.
I tuck my hands into my pockets. “I was going to ask you to dinner.”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment, and I know the fight left her. Then, she gives me a wan smile that screams of defeat. “Yes, well. I wouldn’t have said yes. So, this has been a trip wasted.”
I take a step forward, “I care about you. And I have feelings for you, Agatha.”
Agatha scoffs, a sardonic twisting of her lips. “Do you want me to run into your arms now that you return some of what I feel or felt? Should I be grateful?”
When I open my mouth, she stands up, her eyes blazing, and I realize I was wrong. There is still so much hurt and anger lingering inside of her. Mixed with it all is a tinge of betrayal.
“I’m not one of your women that you can just toss aside. I’m not something you can put on your shelf ‘til you realize my use. I called you last week because I needed you. And what did you do?” Her voice is harsh. “You told me you were fucking busy and hung up. You didn’t think my timing was odd? Nothing struck you?” She won’t let me say anything, because she continues, “My feelings are my problem, and after last week, they will never be your problem again. And as for how you feel, you can take your feelings and stick them up your ass. They’ll probably flourish there!”
In all the time I have known this woman, never has she been so harsh in her words and never has she raised her voice like this, her eyes shimmering with wetness that she keeps trying to push back.
She stands across from me, her delicate form trembling, and I feel my heart clench, guilt my companion.
“I was an asshole. And a douchebag,” the words come out from me.
Her lips are pressed into a hard line. “Yes, you were.”
I inch closer and she watches me warily. “We’re friends, Agatha. We’ve known each our whole lives. Can’t you forgive me for this one mistake?”
“Go home, Ian. I honestly have too much on my plate.” Her voice is weary now, her emotions all over the place.
I know she is done with me, but the matter about the defense equipment in her office remained. “At least tell me what all this is?”
I gesture around the room.
She shakes her head. “It’s nothing important. Better safe than sorry, right?”
Somehow, I know the reference she is making is to the kiss as well.
6
Agatha
I wasn’t expecting Ian to show up.
I stare at the documents in front of me, the words a blur.
George is screening the reports I prepared for him, and he makes a pleased sound. His suit jacket is hanging from the back of his chair, and he sits on the arm, one hand tucked in his pocket, his waistcoat defining his neat lines.
However, as I glance at him, I don’t even feel a tinge of attraction.
