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The visions of a blissful future with this man I so desperately loved enveloped me in warmth. He was here in this room, in this bed, holding me once again!
How profoundly different this moment was from yesterday! The train that had been derailed, causing the unfortunate death of thousands of bits of my soul, was miraculously put back to right on the tracks again and all the dead suddenly got better.
Ironically, it only took several seconds after that for the remnants of my memory, recalling when my heart was shattered underneath the train, to creep back into my throat. I stared at the ceiling to collect my thoughts.
“I know what our problem is. We’ve both been cheated on, dumped, and wronged so many times that our pasts are keeping us from moving forward.”
Ryan slipped out a sliver of a laugh.
I gazed back into his eyes. “You thought that I was with Kyle - that there was something going on behind your back. And I thought you were going to leave me for someone like Lauren, who wasn’t all banged up and wrecked. We lost faith in each other.”
“I know. And I know these rings don’t erase what happened between us.” He adjusted the oval garnet on my right hand. “But they aren’t just jewelry to me either. Inside each of them is a message – a message of my commitment to you. I want you to be my wife, my partner, and my only lover, Taryn... forever. My eyes will never wander from you.”
“Neither will mine.”
“Then maybe we can help each other to trust more. Honey, neither one of us is a cheater. I’ve never done that to anyone I’ve ever dated – I’m guessing that you’ve never cheated on your past boyfriends either. We both know how much it hurts to be betrayed like that. So maybe we just have to always remember that it’s not in either of our personalities to be unfaithful. And I can tell ya that once we both say ‘I do,’ divorce is not an option - ever. We work through the crap, okay?”
I thought about why I’d been living in the pit of despair and surviving through years of broken promises.
“I know, but infidelity is still a deal-breaker for me,” I muttered. “You have to promise me that if I’m not… if you ever have that need, desire for something that our relationship is missing… if some actress…”
“You’ll be the first to know – way before it ever comes to that. I promise.” His fingers drifted down my cheek. “And the same goes for you too!
We talk about it – we fix it, we don’t let it break us apart,” he emphasized. “Regardless of how many completely screwed up, psychotic people try to meddle in our relationship!”
“This time, I’m killing anyone who tries,” I kidded. “Speaking of which…”
“What?” he softly urged.
“I want you to be completely honest with me and tell me if you are going to be working with girls you have intimate knowledge of. I know it’s uncomfortable and you’re going to be reluctant to hurt my feelings, but it will keep me from freaking out if I know all of the ugly details beforehand. I don’t want to hear about it from other sources or see it on the magazine covers in the grocery store. Not knowing that kind of stuff and then seeing it on TV does not help me trust you.” I figured that would help put my mind at ease.
“Deal. That list of actresses is very small, by the way,” he added. “Okay, while we’re being open… no more Kyle. I don’t want him in the bar or anywhere near you, calling you, bringing you gifts or soup – ever again. And the same goes for all the other guys who come sniffing around my future wife.”
“Don’t worry. I don’t want to ever see Kyle again,” I stated, recalling the moment of terror in the pit of my stomach when he had me crammed in the door jam. “I told him I’d get a restraining order if he ever came around again.”
Ryan was dead serious when he put his foot down on the “Kyle and other guys” subject. There was no humor in his tone.
“You know, this double-standard of yours isn’t very healthy either,” I muttered.
“What double-standard? What are you talking about?”
“Oh, come on! You have to admit you are a lot more jealous than I am. I’m not allowed to accept soup from some guy but you get to kiss hot actresses? And then you got pissed at me when I questioned all the ‘alone time’ you were spending with your ex-girlfriend? You would have been completely unbearable if Kyle and I had a romantic past. Hell, you probably would have had a barbed wire fence and extra guard dogs installed around me if that was the case!”
