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He flips the club around in his hand and catches it with ease. “I never loved my mother, and she abandoned me at birth. I didn’t think I needed closure until the bitch died, and I got it by tossing her ashes into the Logan’s Beach Dump.”
“How did it feel?” I ask, curiously.
He grins and holds out the club for me to take. “Better than Preppy’s super smoothies.”
I’m still skeptical, and he sees it written all over my face.
“I need you to trust me on this one,” he presses, unfolding my arms and pushing the club into my hands.
I relent and close my fingers around it. “Okay, fine, but what exactly am I supposed to do with this?”
“You’re supposed to yell all of the things you would say to him if he was standing here right now and then toss his shit into the water.”
“Can’t we just go for ice cream?” I ask, sticking out my lower lip. Even thinking about dredging up the past makes me feel heavy and weighted to the ground.
“We can.” He points to the golf club in my hand. “After.”
I take a deep breath and face the water. “Jared, you were an asshole of epic proportions,” I say flatly, and drop the club into the water. I look to Nine. “We good?”
He hands me another club. “Not even close. Close your eyes. Remember how he made you feel.”
I take it from his hands and close my eyes. I remember a day, not so long ago, I was having a panic attack, and he looked at me wrapped up in blankets like I was an alien. “You never understood me,” I say, my tone a little louder. I toss the club underhand into the water. Nine’s right, it feels...better?
“Good,” he says, handing me another one. “Try again. Take a deep breath. Louder this time.”
“You called me crazy instead of trying to understand me.” I toss it into the water, further this time. Another club is already in my hands. “You made me trust you, then you took everything away from me.”
“Louder!” Another club magically appears.
My voice is so loud I can hear my own echo over the trees, yelling back at me. “You drove the stupidest fucking car that was ever made!” I’m throwing overhand now, launching the clubs like javelins into the water. One after the other. “I mean orange? Really!? That’s a fucking pumpkin, not a fucking car.”
“Good, louder!”
I take the club. “You didn’t listen when I said I didn’t want that stupid fucking house!” Toss.
“You never came to the cemetery on the anniversary of my parents’ deaths.” I’m launching them now, throwing with everything I have, ignoring the pain in my shoulder as I throw each one harder and harder.
“You told me you’d take care of me, but you never fucking meant it.” I send it sailing into the water. I’m hyper focused and surrounded by all of the feelings Anxiety has been filing away where Jared’s sudden departure is concerned.
“You never took the time to get to know me. I was a pet to you. Something you had to clean up after. Something you paraded around in public, then put in a cage at night. I’m no one’s fucking pet!” Launch.
“You never loved me, and I never loved you, but you never gave me a reason to love you!” Launch.
“You have a really tiny fucking penis!” Launch.
When no more clubs appear in my hand, a deep primal rage tears from my throat, releasing everything within. I don’t stop screaming until I feel the last of the resentment leave my body.
When I open my eyes Nine is standing in front of me, watching. Waiting. “How do you feel?”
“I feel…out of breath and relieved and like there’s this energy coursing through me, like I could run laps around the house or swim across this bay and back,” I say with a small laugh. “How did you know I needed that? How do you always seem to know what I need?”
He tips my chin up, rubbing his thumb over my jaw. “Because, I know firsthand that sometimes you gotta burn shit to the ground to appreciate the beauty in the ashes.”
He’s right, and I find myself caring about him even more for it.
I care about him?
Filing that tidbit under CAN’T DEAL and moving on.
I clear my throat. “Uh, ready for that ice cream?” I ask, trying to distract from the heaviness of the moment.
Nine’s gaze darkens. He sucks in his lip ring then releases it, his eyes on my lips. “Not yet, but I’m ready for you.”
He pulls me toward him, and my heart races as he lowers his head and his lips...buzz?
But it isn’t his lips buzzing, it’s his phone. He pulls it from his pocket and checks the screen.
“Shit, I almost forgot I got to be somewhere.” He grabs my hand and tugs me toward his truck which is parked behind the garage.
