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When we’d lost Nathan.
I couldn’t get my mom off me after his passing, and even worse after my biological dad finally up and left. It was statistically proven that marriages tended to fall apart after the loss of a child.
And so I was responsible for yet one more thing.
It’d been my fault Nathan had drowned because I was supposed to be watching him. I’d only been nine, but it’d been my responsibility. I’d told him to shove off that day, let go of his hand because he always wanted to play. He’d only been three. Of course, he’d wanted to play.
Of course, he wanted to play…
All that trauma had played back in a mad dash when I saw Jax’s limp body in the water. I was that little kid again.
Powerless.
He’d played me for a fool, and I really was one. Actually longing after someone like him. I had for a time.
A stupid fool.
Jaxen Brett Ambrose was a bully, and I loathed him, pure evil down to his rotten core. He was dead to me. Gone completely from my life in every way he needed to be. He wouldn’t touch any part of me anymore, and I couldn’t afford to let him.
It’d almost killed me the first time.
I forced myself to charge on after returning to school. This was made harder with Mom and Dad’s sudden worry, but I managed. When they weren’t calling, Kit was popping her head in too and checking on me. She’d said she could kick herself for getting sick.
“I should have been there,” she’d said, but I didn’t think she could have helped. The result would have been the same. I knew I would have gone into the water after Jax. I would have labored over nothing, the guy incredibly selfish.
I had made her promise me we wouldn’t talk about him again. Almost a full week of classes went by and he hadn’t shown up, so there really wasn’t a point in talking about him or to him unless we had to do so. And if he did come back, I’d cross that bridge when I got there.
Lawson: So how about that date then? You still want to hang out? I’m free Saturday.
I had to smile at the text from Lawson. I’d expected to hear from him after the weekend from hell, but he was also a guy, so I wasn’t surprised he let almost a week pass before getting back to me about our date. I really probably shouldn’t be dating, but at the present, I definitely needed a way to get out of my head.
Me: Of course! Do I have to wear anything special?
Lawson: Just bring yourself and that smile *smile emoji*
Of course, the text nearly had me squealing in my bedroom. This guy was a huge deal back home, and though he told me not to wear anything special, I instantly was out of my room and in Kit’s. She had a way better closet than me and dressed me in something chic yet comfortable for the evening.
The pink dress flared out at my hips and stopped about mid-thigh. All my other dresses were basically church-going length and used for when I made speeches at chari
ty events or attended press schedulings for Dad.
Kit also gave me a pair of brown booties that made my legs look really long. Especially in a dress cut for my petite friend. I wanted to wear my hair up, but my friend urged me to sport it at length. I’d be sitting on it all night, but she said it’d be worth it.
“It complements your pretty eyes,” she said, hugging me in front of her vanity mirror. She wanted me to go out just like that and bare shouldered, but nights had been chillier recently. I convinced her to let me wear my white knit sweater, and after doing my makeup, she released me to my date. Lawson texted when he arrived, and rather than make him come up and try to navigate my dorm, I decided to come downstairs.
When I got outside, he sat behind the wheel of a black Mercedes, but got out upon seeing me. He had a red rose in his hands, and though he’d told me not to dress up, he looked incredibly stylish in his black dress shirt and twill pants. They hugged his firm thighs heavily, his dark hair swept and styled. He presented the rose to me with a handsome grin, taking the initiative by brushing a kiss on my cheek.
His lips warm, I leaned into them and definitely hoped to feel more than I had. The chaste kiss left nothing but a subtle warmth in my cheek at the brush, but I figured that may just be because he only kissed me on the cheek.
Don’t compare him to him.
I didn’t, refused as Lawson pulled away and gathered my arm. I didn’t want this guy to be like my stepbrother. If I did, I’d be setting myself up for nothing but disappointment.
I was well aware of that fact, smiling at Lawson as he led me to his pretty car. It was sleek and expensive and just so happened to be a slightly newer model than one of my parents’ cars. I wasn’t surprised. Most of the people in my neighborhood growing up were either politicians or businessmen. I knew Lawson’s father himself was an alderman, his mom on the PTA of our prep school.
“You look lovely,” he said upon getting inside, and I tried not to let the fact I noticed his gaze drag well over my body in this too tight dress.
Actual heat graced my cheeks. I’d never been good with compliments, never put myself in a position to get them really. I was too busy with school and my volunteer work typically.
