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He reached for my hand again, and this time, I didn’t withdraw. This time I let him, my hand physically spasming like I was coming down from something. My breathing escalated, and I dizzied, so much so that it took me a second to realize Ramses had pulled off the road.
He unstrapped, holding my hands. He advised me to place my head between my legs and I did.
“God, baby,” he said, a worry in his voice I recognized. A fear I recognized, a fear for me.
I hated this, that we were going through this. But what’s worse, I hated that it felt like I had to fight for this so hard, fight myself and everything around us just to make us happen. It seemed if it wasn’t one thing it was another.
I closed my eyes. One thing I didn’t hate was his hand on my back. His fingers pulling through my hair.
His rough touch on my skin.
The panic dulled with every stroke, the ache inflicted from a previous man dulling inside me. That pain, that trauma didn’t come from this man who tended to me now. It never could.
I knew that so deep in my heart now it hurt. I felt the reality of that so hard. Ramses spent many moments bringing me back to him, and when I could breathe again, sitting up, he was here for me.
He brushed hair out of my face. “Tell me what you’re feeling. All that scared you.”
It had. I nodded.
“What can I do?”
I touched my forehead to his, breathing in everything about him. Shaking again, I placed my arms round him, and he buried his face into my neck.
“Tell me.” He stroked my hair. “Please.”
The ache in his voice I felt, like he was helpless and didn’t know how to help me. It showed me even more about him.
Silent, my nose brushed his skin.
“Always make me feel safe,” I whispered, my eyes closed tight. “I just need that. Always.”
I heard my own ache, his, too, when he trembled around me.
“Did I scare you?” His voice thickened. “Back there?”
My answer had been a swallow in his ears, and he guided my face back.
He kissed my cheek before my mouth, holding me there.
“I promise I’ll always do that for you. Be that for you,” he said. Clasping my neck, he brought me into his. “I’m sorry. Sorry if I made you feel any different. I won’t again, and I promise you that too. Never again, Brielle. You’ll always feel safe with me. Always.”
I believed him. I loved him.
My arms tight around his neck, I fell into the soft purr of his car. He would protect me always. I knew that, but we always seemed to have something happen outside of us. It was like the universe didn’t want this to happen.
I held on tight as if to force it. I wanted to protect him too. For him to be and always feel safe. I didn’t want to be the reason he’d ever have to fear losing that, but every day, day by day, that was what I felt. Like I’d be the one to break him. I didn’t know how to stop it.
I didn’t know if it could be.
Chapter Thirty-One
Bri
Evie entered my classroom on Monday as I was putting things away. She waved a hand from the door. “Can you come to my office after you’re done?”
And then, she left. No time for me even to react. I hadn’t seen or heard from her since yesterday, the ballet.
A slow dread formed. There had been paparazzi.
