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“That’s almost romantic of you,” I say, butterflies swimming in my gut. “I can’t remember the last time you didn’t greet me by grabbing my crotch.” I can’t remember because I don’t think it’s ever happened.
“That was before I started courting you.”
A sly grin tickles one side of his mouth and I know he said courting just to annoy me. No matter how hard I fall for this man, I suspect he’ll always piss me off.
“So,” he begins. “Introduce me to the funfair experience.”
Now he’s here, I’m not sure what to do next. I actually feel a little lame, surrounded by families and children. “Let’s just take a walk,” I say.
James proffers his hand. “Lead the way.”
James walks beside me as I head over to the crowded area. There’s music playing, people laughing, children running. It’s impossible not to feel uplifted yet when I look at James his face is void of expression.
“You’ve never been to a fair?”
“Sure. When I was a child. I never really liked them though.”
Oh. It takes me a moment to figure out how I’m supposed to respond to that. “How can anyone not like the fair?”
A small smile flashes across his face for a brief second before his expression morphs into what looks like sadness. I’m curious, but I don’t push.
“Guess my brain doesn’t work the same way as everyone else’s.”
What does that mean? It feels like, in some small way, he’s attempting to reveal something to me. As always, he’s cryptic, but I think he’s trying. There are so many layers to James Holden and I imagine it’s going to take a lot of chipping to get to his centre. But I want to, despite the voice in my head screaming at me to run away.
“I come here to run pretty often, though.”
“You run?”
“Every day, if I can.”
“Me too. Well, not every day anymore, but as often as I can. My favourite place to run is Hollingworth Lake. I miss being able to do that every week.”
“I’ve never been. You’ll have to take me one day.”
“You want to run with me?”
“I want to do everything with you.”
I haven’t felt butterflies like I’m experiencing now since I was in Year 9 at high school and Damien Kaye smiled at me. “I should warn you, I’m fast.”
James sniggers, tightening his grip on my hand. “I’m faster.”
“Is that a challenge?”
“No. Just a fact.”
Laughing, I shake my head and bump his shoulder. “So, does this brain of yours allow you to like candyfloss?”
“Of course!” He smiles and it’s magical. Infectious. My own lips twist into a grin and I start jogging to the nearest candyfloss stand.
We eat from our sticks as we walk. Then I spend fifteen quid trying to win a teddy at a stall and don’t manage to knock a single can over with my beanbag. James, however, wins with his first pound coin. Of course he does. Fucker.
He chooses a giant Peppa Pig teddy and I wonder if he’s going to give it to me, like they do in the movies, but he doesn’t. Then I feel like a twat.
“This will keep me in Isobel’s good books for at least a month.”
“Isobel?”
“My niece. She’s three, and the cutest person on the planet.”
His love for her shows on his face. It makes me smile. I’ve never imagined James with a child. He has a natural hardness about him, and whether he meant to or not, he just showed me another of his mysterious layers.
“She sounds adorable.”
“She is, but she’s sassy too. She’s the boss. Drives my brother crazy but I think she’s so funny.”
I could listen to him talk about this little girl I’ve never met forever. I love the calm that washes over him when he thinks about her, the softness, fondness, in his voice. We talk about his family for a little while longer. He tells me what his brother does for a living, tells me about his mum, albeit briefly, and I’m captivated by every word. I’m not naïve enough to think I’ve knocked down his iron walls, but I’ve made a dent and that’s good enough, for now.
I convince him, eventually, to ride the carousel with me, He shakes his head as if he can’t quite believe what he’s doing, right up until our horses start to move. I don’t take my eyes off him, Peppa Pig resting in his lap, as we go around. I can’t. His eyes are wide, stunning, as he laughs. At one point he spins an imaginary lasso in the air and yells, “Yee haw!” and I feel like my lungs will explode from laughing so hard.
This is the side of him no one else sees. He looks so fun. Carefree. Young. The positive energy radiating from him is addictive and I want more. Need more. I can try to deny it but I know it’s a lie. I’m falling for James Holden fast. Too fast. I sense danger ahead but I can’t stop it.
I don’t want to.
**********
Dusk closes in when we reach the car park. My car is closest, and I lean against the driver door, missing James already even though he’s standing right in front of me.
“I’ve had a really great day,” he says, cupping my cheek in his palm. I nestle into his gentle touch and my insides feel like they’re melting. “Thank you, Theodore.”
The use of my full name makes me smile. He’s the only person who’s ever called me that. I’ve been Theo, or T, to everyone since the day I was born. “You know, I think you’ve earned the right to call me Theo.”
His brilliant smile lightens his whole face. “I’m good with Theodore. I like the way it feels on my lips.”
Oh dear God. He really isn’t helping my struggle with the sex ban.
“Will I ever understand you, James?” Shit! Where the hell did that come from? What a nobhead.
His eyebrows pull together and his hand slowly slips from my face. “Probably not.”
Ouch. His answer stings all the way to my core.
