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“You knew his dad?”
“Oh yeah. Eric Holden was a great boss. A real gent, you know? He was so involved, took the time to get to know everyone who worked here. That’s an exception rather than the norm in a business this size.”
“So what you’re saying is, he was the complete opposite of James?” A slight chuckle catches in my throat.
“He was just as driven, and could crack the whip when he needed to, but yeah. You wouldn’t have known they were related unless you saw them together.”
“They looked alike?”
“Not so much. It was more the look in Eric’s eye when they were together. Pride, I suppose. I guess you’re not the only person who sees another side of Holden. Although I believe it more coming from you, if that makes sense? Eric was his father, of course he saw the best in him.”
It’s interesting how she refers to his father as Eric and James as Holden. She does it automatically, unconsciously, and it’s testament to how differently the two men are perceived.
“You know, James actually said something similar to me once, about how his dad saw something in him that no one else does. I didn’t quite understand because I see it, too. I have from the beginning.”
“I can’t help find it strangely fascinating,” Stacey says. “I’ve always found him so abrupt, so…”
“Arrogant?”
She smiles. “Yeah.”
“He is. Absolutely. I’ve told him as much, too. But that’s not all he is.”
“Well you know what, Theo? I’m happy for you.”
“I’d rather you didn’t tell anyone.” I feel awkward saying it and, really, I don’t think she would anyway, but I need to make sure. “I know what it looks like, what people will think of me, what they already think of him. I’m not ready to deal with all that yet, not until I know where we’re going.”
Or if we’re going anywhere at all.
“Of course I won’t. I only asked you because I consider you my friend. I’m not into gossip, I promise you.”
“I know.” I smile. “And for the record I think of you as a friend, too. If I didn’t, I would’ve denied it.”
She grins and raises an eyebrow. “Like you did with Mike?”
“When Mike asked me there was genuinely nothing going on. Well, kind of. Ugh.” Rolling my eyes, I sigh. Then I spend the rest of my lunch break telling her everything, starting with the night I turned into a raging slut after nothing more than a smile from my mysterious stranger.
Chapter Eight
~James~
In my office, our kiss fades, but I can’t bring myself to break away from Theodore. Resting my forehead on his, I breathe him in. His scent dances through my nose, uplifting me, intoxicating me.
“I have to leave soon,” I whisper, but damn I don’t want to let him go. “Mike and I have a lunch meeting with a client.”
I feel Theodore’s brow furrow against mine. “Why am I different?”
I take a step back, studying his face.
“To the others. To Ed, to…Mike.”
“Don’t do this,” I say, sighing as I back away a couple of steps further. “You know who I am, Theodore. I can’t take it back and not screw them.” I wouldn’t even if I could, though I don’t add that part. At the time, any man I’ve ever fucked was because I needed them in that moment.
“I know that,” he spits, huffing in frustration. “This isn’t about your past, it’s about now. The future.”
The future. It’s something I’m not comfortable thinking about.
“You said it yourself, the first time I was just an easy shag. I just want to know why that wasn’t enough?”
“Do you wish it had been?” Where is this coming from?
“No!” His quick response reassures me. “You’re so different with me. You have been from the start. I just wondered why that was, what makes me so special?”
“I don’t know the answer to that.” Sighing through my nose, I tuck my hands into my pockets and stare at him. “I feel comfortable around you. I don’t get that with many people.” With anyone. “Let’s flip it. You made it clear the way we met was a mistake, a one off, so why are you still here? What do you see in me?”
“I dunno.” Tilting his head to one side, Theodore smiles. “When you put it like that I see your point. Guess you don’t really have a say in who you fall in love with.”
All traces of expression fall from my face. My mouth dries and I stop breathing, though I know my heart still beats as it pounds like a jackhammer in my chest.
“I-I mean I’m not…I don’t…shit.” He doesn’t look at me. He can’t.
He doesn’t know me. I’m trying so hard to be a man worthy of his time, his trust, but…love? That isn’t possible. Not yet. Maybe, probably, not ever.
“James…”
I’m paralysed as he steps towards me, my feet welded to the floor.
Reaching out, he curls his fingers around my arm. “I’m sorry,” he mutters. “Can we just forget I said that?”
Why? Did he not mean it? Was it merely a turn of phrase? My chest aches with disappointment which, in turn, makes me really fucking annoyed with myself.
Pressing my lips to his, I reassure him with a kiss because there are no words to describe the battle commencing in my mind right now. “I need to go. Mike will be waiting in the lobby.”
The look of unease on his face when I mention Mike’s name is subtle, but noticeable. I don’t like it but there’s nothing I can do. I can’t un-fuck Mike and, as his boss, I have to work with him.
“We’re okay, right?” he asks as I turn for the door.
“I’ll pick you up at seven.” I think my reply answers his question efficiently but just to be sure, I throw in a wink too.
After my meeting, I plan to go home and get my head straight. I need to be alone, with music as my only distraction, while I decide where my future is heading, and whether I’m taking Theodore with me.
