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“He’s telling the truth, Isaac, I swear to you.” Elle risked a step forward and reached her hand out to cup one side of his face. “You’ve no idea how difficult it was for me to tell you I love you. It took me so long because I was afraid. I was terrified something would go wrong and I didn’t know if I was strong enough to cope with how much that’d hurt. But I risked it because it’s true. I do love you. I know you know that. I also know deep down you know Sawyer would never do something like that to you.”
Kip sighed, giving me hope we were getting somewhere. I couldn’t wrap my head around him and Elle being together and I wondered how long they’d been keeping it a secret. I was also feeling disappointed that she didn’t feel like she could tell me. I’m her best friend. I’m Kip’s best friend too. If I’m honest, it really fucking hurt that they didn’t tell me.
And that’s what made me take the biggest fucking leap of my life.
“Jake,” I said to Kip. “I’ve been seeing Jake.”
“Now’s not the time for taking the damn piss, Sawyer.” Kip stared at me with a scolding expression. When my face didn’t falter, he realised I was telling the truth. “Fuck me, you’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“You’re… I mean…you’re…”
“Gay. I’m gay.” As soon as I’d said it the air rushed from my lungs and it felt like the first decent breath I’d taken in years. It was in that moment I realised it was the first time I’d ever admitted it out loud.
“Jesus…” he breathed, scratching his head. “But… you fuck women. I’ve fucking seen you! And we’re not just talking the odd one either. You’ve fucked more chicks than I’ve had bottles of beer! How can you just turn gay all of a sudden?”
“It’s not all of a sudden. I think I’ve known my whole life. I just didn’t want to admit it.”
“Why? What the fuck difference would it have made?”
I couldn’t help exhale a small laugh. I’ve spent years feeling so damn ashamed of myself. Certain that others wouldn’t be able to run away fast enough. And Kip didn’t even care. I daren’t look at Jake in case he was wearing an ‘I told you so face’.
“I was scared, Kip. I still am. Look it’s a really long story but it’ll have to wait. We need to leave soon. But… I can’t go leaving things like this between us. You’re like a brother to me, man. I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t confide in you and sorry I lied about Elle. I just… hell, Kip, I’m still trying to get used to the idea myself.”
“You were a fucking idiot for lying to me.”
“I know.”
“But you’re right. You are my brother.” I puffed out a relieved breath when I saw him take a stride towards me. He pulled me into a hug – not a usual guy hug, not a one-armed pat on the back kind of hug – but a full on hold with both arms wrapped right around me, crushing me to his chest. “You’re a fucking prick, Sawyer,” he said, never releasing his grip on me. “You can tell me anything, you stupid dick. You should’ve known that already.”
“I’m sorry.” What else could I say? Kip clapped my back, backing away from me. “And Elle…” I turned to her. “I owe you an apology too. If I’d known… It was a kneejerk reaction and I knew I’d fucked up the second I’d said it. But, in my defence, never in a million fucking years did I think you two would ever get together.”
“I’m sorry too, babe,” Kip apologised, taking hold of Elle’s hand. “I should’ve talked to you first. I should’ve trusted you enough to let you explain. I saw red. I panicked. I’m scared of losing you too.”
“Yeah, well,” she said. “Maybe we should’ve been honest too. In some way, we’re all partly to blame for this mess.”
“Just let me know when it’s time to whip out the violin, guys.” I turned to Jake, smiling at the sarcasm lacing his voice.
“So you’re a fairy-boy too, eh?” Kip teased. “I mean, as much of a surprise as it was, Sawyer’s a musician. Creative. He’s got style. That’s kind of an excuse right there. But you, man you’re like tough, and if I’m honest, a controlling arsehole most of the time. Never would’ve guessed it with you.”
“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Jake replied with a lopsided smirk. “But for the record, my sexuality isn’t a secret. If anyone ever asks, I’ll only ever be upfront.”
“Maybe that douche over there can learn a thing or two from you then.” Kip cocked his head in my direction
“No, Kip. This can’t go public. You can’t tell anyone about this.”
“Umm, if that’s what you want then sure.” He drew his eyebrows together in confusion as he spoke. I didn’t expect Kip to understand why I was more comfortable living a lie. How could I? I didn’t even understand it myself. “So we’re all good?”
“We’re good,” I assured, bumping my fist with his. “We really do need to get going now though.”
“You’re going together aren’t you? To your place in the Lakes?”
“Yes,” I answered after dragging in a deep breath. I still felt a sense of embarrassment when admitting out loud anything relating to my relationship with Jake. It was however, beginning to lessen. “Come here, gorgeous girl.” I pulled Elle in for a squeeze, whispering ‘sorry’ into her ear. When she pulled back she smiled up at me and I knew she’d both forgiven me and understood my reasons, even if she didn’t agree with them.
“We’re leaving for the airport in an hour,” Elle informed me. “LA was the plan anyway until you decided to dump me for a piece of ass.” She winked at me and I heard Jake chuckle quietly behind me, trying but failing to keep his usually impeccable calm. “So I guess we’ll see you when you get out there next week.”
