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“I love you too, Jake.”
I don’t care how much of a pussy this makes me sound, but hearing those words roll from his tongue made my heart swell inside my chest, and when I closed my eyes a single tear dripped from my lashes. It was difficult not to resent Sawyer’s fame at times. I couldn’t help thinking if no one knew who he was, this would be what life would be like always. Him in my arms, telling me he loved me, not having to worry about what the rest of the world would think.
But Sawyer is famous, and so I’ll just have to take him anyway I can get him.
True to his word, the next day Sawyer took me on a hike. Not having any boots with me I had to nip out in the morning to get some before we set off, then once I was equipped for a day of walking up muddy hills he drove us a few miles out to what I had to admit was one of the most stunning places I’ve ever been. When he pulled up down a secluded dirt track we were surrounded by the most luscious green hills, trees and valleys. Although beautiful, they all looked the same to me – like a giant green maze – but Sawyer seemed to know his way around effortlessly.
Hooking his rucksack over his shoulders, he led me through a network of trees, along a hidden trail that wound around a shallow stream. I followed behind him, keeping my eyes on the ground to avoid rogue branches and rocks.
“This isn’t part of the tourist trail. No one ever comes this way. That’s why I love it so much.”
Sawyer navigated the rough terrain like a pro. Me? I stumbled more than once and at one point fell flat on my face, much to Sawyer’s amusement. There was something so tender in the way he held his hand out and helped me up from the ground. Concern creased his strong features first and I felt… loved.
“Where the hell are you taking us?” I grumbled. We’d been hiking for almost three hours. I’m a fit guy, I have to be for my job… but this walk was fucking killing me.
“Stop being a pussy. It’s just up here.”
“What is?”
“My favourite place in the world.”
It’s sod’s law that his favourite place in the world would be up the steepest hill we’d climbed yet. But when we got there, the view punched the air clean from my lungs.
“Wow…”
“Nice, huh?”
Nice? No. Fucking spectacular, yes.
I sat down on the damp grass, still a little breathless from the physical exertion it took to get up here. Sawyer joined me, tossing his rucksack onto the floor and pulling out two bottles of water. As I screwed the cap off, he moved closer to me, placing a hand on my knee. The touch momentarily paralysed me, making my breath hitch. To be ‘out’ with him, for him to be so open with me… it felt like a tremendous leap forward.
“How’d you find this place?” I asked curiously, curling my fingers around his hand on my lap. I stared out at the view. We were incredibly high up and the scene below us was breath taking. Lakes, trees, tiny roads…
“Just exploring,” he shrugged. “I like the peace out here. Sitting here reminds me how small I am. Down there,” he said, nodding his head down the hill. “People think I’m so fucking important. They all want a piece of me and it’s easy to forget who I am. Up here, up here I can just…be.”
We must’ve stayed, sitting on the top of the hill, for an hour or so. We barely spoke. We didn’t need to. He sang to me – his version of Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. The lyrics fitted the scene perfectly. We were lying there, forgetting the world. I only wished it could last forever. His voice on stage, live, was glorious. Husky, commanding, yet somehow impossibly smooth. But A Cappella, just inches away from my ears… it dove straight into my soul.
I draped my arm over Sawyer’s shoulders, holding him close to me, and just enjoyed the fact we could be together like this. Out in the open, no hiding, no looking over our shoulders. A few times I nibbled and kissed along his neck, whispering what I planned to do to him tonight in his ear. He attempted to play it cool, but the noticeable strain his zipper was under gave me everything I needed to know.
“I’m so glad you brought me up here,” I said, wrapping my arms right around his body.
“Me too. You know, I’ve always thought of you whenever I came up here. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m a nobody up here, like before. It reminds me of life before all the music and craziness.”
“Sawyer, you have never been and never will be a nobody.”
“Sometimes I think life would be easier if I was.”
“Do you regret it? Signing to a label, hitting it big? Are you happy?”
“I could never regret something that’s given me so many amazing opportunities.”
“But are you happy?”
“I’m getting there.” He smiled at me and it literally lit up his face. God, he’s perfect. “I’ve always loved the music. It’s the only thing I ever wanted to do. But… well I never could’ve prepared myself for the fame side of things. It feels like the day we got our first number one is the day my life stopped. I’m not saying I’ve been miserable. We’ve had a lot of fun over the years. I’ve met so many different people, travelled all over the world… but I just miss being able to take a shit without it being front page news.”
“I was so proud of you the first time I saw you on TV. You were the supporting act for Blood Kings and you were all interviewed backstage.”
“Fucking hell, I remember that! Matt was high as kite and spewed all over the cameraman the second he’d finished filming.”
