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“It’s pretty crazy,” I told her. “But I have a job to do. It’s not all about the fun and parties for me.”
“Ugh, you’re always so serious about everything. At least tell me you ogle them when they’re not looking.”
“Be hard not to,” I teased, winking at her. “I tell you what, I’ll give the guys a call in a little while and you can speak to them.”
“OH MY GOD you’re kidding? I’m gonna call Katie and tell her to come round. Can she speak to them too?”
“Sure,” I said, laughing at her excitement. Squealing, Lily ran out of the room, leaving me alone with my mum.
“I’ve missed you, sweetheart,” she said, gently clapping my shoulder. “Let me go and put the kettle on.”
“Actually I’ll have something from the fridge. The heat out there is intense today.”
“I’ll turn the air conditioning up,” she said, walking out towards the kitchen. I followed her, leaning against the countertop while she grabbed me a can of Pepsi from the fridge. Next she opened the cupboard housing the air conditioning controls, pressed the relevant buttons and then turned to me with a serious expression. “Something’s troubling you.”
“What? I’m fine. Tired from the flight, but fine.”
“I’m your mother, Jake. I know when something isn’t right with you.”
I wondered if all mothers had an inbuilt problem radar or if it was just mine.
“I’m in love with Sawyer.” There. I’d blurted it out. Christ it felt good.
“Sweetheart, you’ve been in love with that boy since you met him. I know it must hurt, but you can’t make someone love you back. I knew this was going to happen when you left.”
“That’s just it. He does love me. We’re sort of together.”
“Sort of?”
“He’s not ready to come out. He says he will, but God knows how long that will take. I love him so much, Mum. I just want everyone to know it.”
“Oh, sweetheart. I hate to see you hurting like this.”
“I’m not hurting. Not really. I’ve got Sawyer, that’s all I’ve ever wanted. It’s just so hard having to watch what I’m saying, having to remember I can’t touch him, or even smile at him when people are around. I never thought I’d have to run back into the closet after all these years.”
“And… you’re sure he feels the same?” she questioned carefully. “He’s not exactly famous for being the committed type. You’ve seen the papers, he has a different woman in his bed every other night.”
“Had,” I corrected. “I know what it looks like from the outside, but you don’t know him. No one does, really. The women were just a distraction for him. I actually think he was using them to prove to himself that he wasn’t gay. He’s scared. Afraid he’ll lose everything and everyone around him if he comes out. I have no doubt his mum would disown him, but he has so many other people who love him. His best friend, his band mates… they’d all stick by him I know they would.”
“I never did like that mother of his,” she chipped in. “Spouting all her religious crap. I remember her going into the school one day to demand they expel a young girl who’d gotten pregnant.”
“Oh, I think I remember that,” I said, nodding. “He loves her. I can’t understand how she could ever turn her back on him, but still I know she would.”
“Bring him here. Tonight. He can have dinner with us. It might help him to see what a real family is like. One that loves and supports each other no matter what.”
“I know he’s looking forward to seeing you all again, he still can’t believe Lily is so grown up, but once he finds out I’ve told you, I’m not sure he’ll be up for it.”
“Of course he will. If he loves you like you say he does, he’ll be here.”
“I’m getting the impression you’re not too sure about him.”
“He’s not good enough for you until he proves otherwise to me. I will make my decision when I’ve spent some time with him. I’ve not seen him since he was, what, sixteen? Seventeen? He was a nice boy, but he wasn’t holding my son’s heart in his hands back then.”
“We’ll be here,” I decided in that moment. “I don’t know what the plans for the rest of the day are yet so I can’t give you a time, but I’ll call you later.”
“Perfect,” she smiled. “Now, are you staying for some lunch?”
“Best not. I should really go and tell Sawyer about tonight – give him a few hours to get used to the idea.” Downing the last of my can, I started walking out of the kitchen. That’s when I spotted Lily hiding behind the doorframe. “How long have you been there?”
“Umm, kinda the whole time.”
“Lily, this can’t go any further,” I said sternly. “Do you understand?”
“I’m not a kid, Jake, even though you think I am. I won’t screw this up for you.”
“I mean it, Lily. Not even Katie is allowed to know about this.”
“I get it! I promise, I won’t say anything to anyone. I know famous people have to do things different to the rest of us. I’ve not seen you smile so wide in forever as when you told Mum he loved you. I wouldn’t mess that up.”
“Wow. You really have grown up without me noticing haven’t you?”
“But while it’s just us, can I just say… Oh. My. God. My brother is boning thee Sawyer Knight!
“Lily!” Mum scolded. “Language!”
“Sorry, Mum. But seriously, this is huuuuuuge. Okay, I’ve got it out of my system. Lips are sealed.” She pulled an imaginary zipper across her lips, making me smile. My family are amazing. The fact I was gay didn’t even blip on their radar. They’ve never had any expectations of me – well my dad sure knew how to crack the whip when I worked for him, but that was business. Overall, they just want me to be happy. I can’t wait for Sawyer to feel part of that tonight.
