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I snorted. Of course, that was what had convinced Felix.
“Yeah, that’s fine. I can open early for you if you want.”
“Thanks, man. We’ll figure it out. I got Felix’s info.”
“All right,” I said, and hung up.
Felix was gaping at me.
“I…don’t know what to say,” he said.
I shrugged. “Then don’t say anything.”
He stood there for a minute, then shrugged and said, “Okay.” He walked away, leaving his untouched drinks sweating a pool on the bar top.
* * *
—
The morning of Felix and Theo’s meeting, I went through my routine meticulously. It was a Monday, and on Mondays I went to my NA meeting, to the gym, then to the grocery store. I didn’t deviate from my schedule unless I absolutely had to.
When I got home with my groceries, I put the dry goods away in their places, decanting beans and rice from my bulk bags into their glass containers and neatly grouping cans in the cabinet. I did some quick prep, cutting carrots into sticks and placing sheets of paper towel around lettuce, rolling avocados into a paper bag to ripen, and washing apples and grapes. I ran through the meals I would cook that week and added a few things to the shopping list on the refrigerator.
In the shower, I ran through the meals again, this time swapping out chili for a cold noodle dish since I’d checked the weather and it was going to be warm. I reminded myself to look up a recipe for peanut sauce.
When I got out of the shower, I dried off slowly. Then I took the black Sharpie from the toothbrush holder and closed my eyes, breathing in deeply through my nose and out through my mouth.
After some thought, I uncapped the marker and wrote across my stomach: Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.
The freshly inked quote overlaid others, variously faded from time and showers.
No one else ever knew the words were there, but I could feel them, a sigil burned into my skin, anchoring me through the day.
The NA meeting was at twelve thirty, and at noon I made my way downstairs and flipped the lock, figuring I’d stock for the night and save Johi and Roy the trouble. I could do it faster than either of them, since I was stronger, and stacking the neat rows of bottles was satisfying. But as I went to grab the first box, the door opened and Felix walked in, looking a bit sweaty and rumpled.
When he saw me he smiled and waved. He pulled his earbuds out and came over to the bar.
“Hi. I’m Felix. I didn’t actually introduce myself the other night. Sorry. I was…uh…kinda in shock.”
He held out his hand to me across the bar.
He was taking responsibility for my brusqueness the other night and it made me wonder what else he took responsibility for.
“Huey,” I said, my voice gruff and short even to my own ears. His hand was much smaller than mine, but he had a firm grip and soft skin.
He smiled again and hooked his thumbs against his shoulders, pulling at the straps of his backpack.
“Sorry I’m kind of early. I came straight from work and I was gonna change there but then someone knocked over a pitcher of half and half so I had to clean that up, and then since I thought I was gonna be late I ran for the train but then it— I’m…early…” He took a deep breath. “Could I change in your bathroom maybe? I just can’t meet Theo Decker in a Buggy’s Bagels uniform.”
He plucked at the brown logo of a bagel on his pale green polo shirt and I noticed it for the first time, an ugly, in-between color.
He was staring at me, and I realized it was because I hadn’t answered him yet.
“Yeah. It’s over there.” I nodded behind him.
“Thanks.”
He hesitated for a moment, as if he wanted to say something else, then shook his head and headed toward the bathroom.
I headed to the basement and carried up two boxes, stocking the bar until Felix came back out. He’d changed into tight black jeans, a gray T-shirt that hugged his body but went down to mid-thigh, and baby-pink high-top sneakers.
He was small—maybe five foot eight and slim, with narrow shoulders and delicate features. His brown eyes were large, with a thick fringe of lashes, and I thought he might have just put on makeup or something that made them look even bigger. His mouth was lush, and he seemed to smile easily.
His wavy brown hair was down, like it had been the first night I saw him, and it looked like he’d tried to tame it with some water in the bathroom. But when he got back to the bar, he flipped his head over and gathered his hair into a ponytail high on his head, slipping an elastic from his wrist and tying it up. The style showed off sharp cheekbones and the elegant line of his jaw, the vulpine point of his chin.
